


White Christmas

by gillyAnne



Series: Courage Is A Woman [2]
Category: The Fall (TV 2013), The X-Files
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/F, London
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-09-22 23:40:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17069405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gillyAnne/pseuds/gillyAnne
Summary: Set after my (unfinished) story "Courage Is A Woman". I recommend you read that first, although it's not finished it will give you some backstory. Plus if you're into Stella and Scully I'm pretty sure you'll like it as well.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to write a Christmas story. I needed to write it in the same universe as my other Stella/Scully story because I've fallen in love with that version of them. So here it is - I have no idea where this will end up but it's bound to be cute and less angsty than my usual stuff. Hope you like it! Let me know. X

(1)

 

Dana Scully sighed deeply, trying to calm her nerves as well as her excitement. She was walking through the airport towards the exit where she knew someone would be waiting for her. Around her were families reuniting, kids running into grandparents arms and lovers throwing themselves at each other and it made her feel strangely out of place. However, there was a thin layer of snow building up outside and the British air somehow smelled inviting, even though she was in an air-conditioned environment which had probably recycled the air too many times to count. She hadn’t even asked Mulder – she had simply told him she was going. He had wanted to come but he hadn’t pushed when she’d said she’d rather go alone – Scully thought he suspected something was up, although they hadn’t openly discussed it. She loved him, naturally, eternally but somehow in the past year and a quarter they had slowly come to the conclusion that whatever they had wasn’t about being in love anymore. She had decided to still see him often because she simply couldn’t live otherwise, and she still loved him and she was sure he loved her on some fossilized level, but it wasn’t enabling and uplifting anymore. Therefore they had decided to give each other a little bit of space – she had her apartment, he was in the house and even though they spoke a lot they didn’t communicate much. It hurt Scully but it also freed her and on some twisted level she liked it. So flying to London had been her decision, and even though it had been her host’s command it had been her wish far before the note had finally arrived. Not that she’d really had a choice once the invitation came in – ‘I expect to see you,’ it had said. ‘I expect to see you on the 27th of December.’ She wasn’t familiar with Christmas traditions here, and although she knew a fair amount she wasn’t sure what would be going on once she got to her destination, but she knew she would be warmly welcomed and that was all that mattered.

 

As Scully turned the last corner into the arrivals hall she was met with an ocean of feelings and movement coming from everyone in the hall. For a moment she paused and looked from right to left to scan the human mass of welcoming people for the two eyes she had been longing to look into for a long time. It didn’t take long before her gaze met a welcoming blanket of greyish blue that stood proudly among many, many others – Scully felt a tingle wash all the way from her skull down to her toes as her eyes met Stella’s. A smile appeared on the lips she knew so well and she made sure to mirror it, not that she had a choice – everything in her gravitated towards the blonde who was waiting for her by a column a little behind everyone else. She made her way through layers of people until she and her suitcase safely arrived on the other side of the crowd, and suddenly there she was, next to the woman she had been talking to but hadn’t seen for a long time. ‘Hi,’ she said, almost shyly. ‘Hello, Dana,’ Stella said calmly, a smile playing with the right corner of her lip, her chin raised as part of a stature that Scully knew to be uniquely Stella. ‘It’s good to see you,’ Scully said, more confidently, feeling more and more at ease every second. She knew this woman, she knew more about her than most people – somehow she had forgotten that and she was only now starting to remember it. It was a gift, the knowledge of Stella Gibson’s soul, and she had buried that gift so deeply in order to keep it safe that she was having trouble uncovering it for a moment. Stella didn’t answer her, she just extended a hand for Scully to take and Scully took it without hesitation – she had often wondered if someone else had gotten the privilege of publicly holding Stella’s hand – but now that she caught hold of it she knew it was hers, and hers alone and she was proud of that. She didn’t hold hands with Mulder anymore. They had stopped holding hands a while ago and from that moment on it had been a thing she didn’t do anymore, and in holding Stella’s she remembered how much she loved it. They didn’t speak any more as Scully slowly settled back into Stella’s space, walking close to her body, following her stride as she guided them through the crowds. The black suitcase Scully had selected followed on squeeky wheels, a quiet commentary to two kindred spirits slowly coming together again.

Walking through the airport they didn’t speak much. When Dana finally commented on the huge Christmas tree in the big hall Stella just mumbled: ‘I don’t like Christmas.’ Scully smiled to herself, and then up to Stella – who was the same height but sporting a pair of incredibly high heels where Scully was on flats to survive the long haul flight. ‘Is that why you invited me?’ she smirked. ‘Because if it is, you’re a few days late.’ ‘I thought I’d let you spend Christmas with your family first,’ Stella answered, ‘but I needed to see you.’ Scully nodded. ‘I would have come sooner,’ she confessed. ‘I didn’t want you to,’ Stella said honestly and Dana understood. They had exchanged a few e-mails over the past year and Dana knew Stella had been incredibly busy. ‘This is perfect,’ Scully said as they walked to Stella’s car. ‘Your timing was impeccable, your invitation came just as we were making the duty roster for the holidays.’ ‘How is your new job?’ Stella asked. ‘It’s good, you know, I was a doctor before I joined the FBI and I felt it natural to go back to it for a while. I feel like I’m doing some good.’ ‘I’m sure you are,’ Stella said as she helped Scully to put her suitcase in the back of her BMW before taking the driver’s seat.

As Stella navigated her way back to London from the airport Scully took the time to reacquaint herself with what it felt like to be in Stella’s presence. The confidence she’d known to be half true, half shield seemed to have changed, shifted somehow into an even more intoxicating mixture of mystery and melancholical pride. The confidence was still there, undeniably, but it was partnered by a sense of self stronger than Stella had exuded before. Scully hoped this meant that she had found some peace with her past, although she knew it would have taken its toll on other aspects of Stella’s life. There was an edge to her that she hadn’t observed before – as if she’d been to the edge of insanity and just managed to stay on the right side, as if she’d seen the dark side of the universe and had come back from it a changed woman. A stronger woman – but a changed one.

As Scully observed the ambience in the car, the air that surrounded Stella and the way her hands touched the wheel, Stella was acutely aware of the scrutiny she was under. ‘Stop analyzing me,’ she said clearly but kindly, ‘I’ve told you before. I don’t like it.’ ‘I’m not judging you,’ Scully pushed away the urge to apologize, ‘I’m just glad to be here,’ ‘I’m glad you’re here,’ Stella answered and turned one more corner. ‘Anyway, we’re here.’ Scully focused on what she saw outside and she found that it seemed just right – a proper English street, with English houses was stretched out before them. Stella drove to the corner and parked just around it. She helped Dana with her suitcase before walking back to the first door – a huge black door, with some steps leading up to it, and Scully followed with interest. It seemed like a massive house for one person, but then again, she imagined Stella in nothing less.

 

Stella opened the door and stepped inside, pausing just past the doormat to put down her bag and keys. ‘Come in,’ she motioned for Dana who hesitated for a second. ‘Thanks,’ Dana answered as Stella lifted her suitcase inside. Once inside Scully was momentarily hit by a sense of displacement. Not for herself, but for Stella – this house seemed so normal, so mundane when the woman living in it was anything but – but maybe that’s what Stella wanted, no needed everyone to think. A smile played at the corner of Dana’s lips when she saw the stairs – yes, a massive house for one person – and piece by piece she started to notice that this was Stella’s house after all. The two carpets covering the generous hallway were expensive, but used, and the drawings covering the beige wall were all of same size and style. There were two big glass lanterns on the floor behind the door, and Scully imagined they had been outside at some point but probably taken in for a business trip and never put out again. Stella sighed, picked up a letter from the doormat and led the way into the living room. ‘Put your stuff down wherever you want,’ she called to Dana, ‘I’ll show you upstairs in a minute.’ Stella had just come from work, Dana knew, so she understood the need to wind down for a moment. Scully kicked off her shoes before joining Stella in the living room. As soon as she entered, the synchrony of the area hit her as undeniably Stella. ‘You have a beautiful house,’ she commented, looking at the large soft looking couch against the front of the room, faced by two chairs and a round table that acted as a soft wall to the kitchen, which was huge and clean and a mix of black, oak and blue that Scully appreciated immensely. The archway leading to the kitchen was sided by two frames with more drawings – antiques? Scully didn’t know – and somehow the only things striking her as odd were the Christmas cards on the bulletin board above to Stella’s fridge. ‘Hmm,’ Stella just hummed and turned around. Scully walked in to the kitchen with her, standing close with a sigh, not quite sure on what terms she had been invited here. Were they friends? Could they still be lovers? She didn’t know, and even though she knew their friendship would be the same even if they didn’t speak for a decade, there would always be that initial pause in Scully’s approach of Stella because she knew how fragile her heart really was underneath those carefully constructed layers of indifference. Stella watched as Scully saw straight through her and she sighed again. ‘Come here,’ she mentioned with her arm and Dana stepped in closer. At the risk of looking strangely soft Stella took the opportunity and the chance to wrap her arms around Dana’s waist. ‘I really have missed you,’ she whispered before kissing her cheek and pulling her close. Scully released a deep breath and relaxed into Stella’s tightening hold as she returned it with the same passion and strength. She felt Stella’s spine under her hands and all she could think was that she was so grateful that Stella was okay. It had been her one fear leaving her seemingly a lifetime ago – that Stella wouldn’t be okay. Feeling the blonde’s body lean into hers now reaffirmed what she knew she should have trusted before: The road had probably been as hard for Stella as it had been for her but they were both strong, so they were both okay. ‘I’m excited to be here,’ she said into Stella’s hair, ‘it’s been a while since I was in London.’ ‘Sshh,’ Stella shushed her. ‘I know.’

 

After a minute Stella pulled back and let her hand wander along Scully’s arm before she turned to pour a glass of wine. It was around four in the afternoon, but Scully readily agreed when Stella gestured if she wanted a glass as well. ‘I’ll show you around,’ Stella said, stepping away from the counter to move back into the hallway, and it was then that Scully noticed she still had her heels on. Her heart did a little thing that she didn’t want to linger on so she grabbed her suitcase and followed Stella up the stairs. ‘The guest room is over there,’ Stella waved her arm, ‘and my bedroom is over here.’ She opened another big white door to reveal a master bedroom with wooden floors, wooden furniture and a big bed in the middle. There were files and folders everywhere and Dana sighed audibly. 'So much for not taking work home with you,’ she smiled at Stella, who pursed her lips and shrugged curtly. ‘It’s my second office. I like working from my bed rather than from a desk in an empty room.’ Scully nodded. ‘Workaholic, I know.’ ‘Not today,’ Stella said softly and helped Dana to put down her stuff somewhere close to the door. Nor she nor Dana had decided exactly where she was going to sleep and Stella didn’t want to push, because frankly, she wasn’t sure where they stood either. She trusted them to figure it out eventually, but for now, she and Scully’s suitcases lived in a kind of limbo on the matter.

 

After quickly showing Dana the rest of the house Stella settled in one of the chairs in the living room, Dana taking a corner of the couch. Stella finally kicked off her heels, tucking her feet in underneath her while Dana took in the details around the cozy area. ‘This is so you,’ she commented. ‘I’ve lived here for a while,’ Stella said, ‘it belonged to a friend who wanted to sell it a few years ago. I got a good deal on it and it’s been my home ever since.’ Scully nodded, looking around. Stella continued. ‘It’s obscenely large for one person but I like having the space.’ ‘I wouldn’t say obscenely large,’ Scully said, ‘it’s generous but it fits you. I couldn’t imagine you in a different house now that I’ve seen you here.’ ‘I’m never here anyway,’ Stella said. ‘I’m gone either to work or away for work most of my days and on the weekends I see friends or just do more work.’ ‘I hope everything turned out okay at the Met,’ Dana commented. She knew that Stella was back to her old position with the Met, having been on administrative leave for a while pending multiple investigations and allegations but in the end everything had cleared and her name had been relatively undamaged. Of course the case had blown up around London and everyone knew about it, but it had only caused a few universities to ask Stella to give guest lectures on the case and Scully knew she’d found that she enjoyed that a lot. ‘Work is good,’ Stella said, ‘it’s all I know how to do, so I’m just happy to be back.’ Scully nodded. ‘I know that feeling.’

As they sat opposite each other Scully couldn’t help but find Stella’s eyes from time to time. Each time she did, she caught Stella looking at her unashamedly, boldly, almost challengingly. She didn’t comment on it but slowly their bodies started to communicate like they had learned to do when they had first met. It felt natural to shift over into the corner a little more and raise her eyebrow at Stella when their eyes met again. Stella smiled and stood up to join Scully on the couch. ‘I don’t want this to be awkward,’ Stella said softly. ‘I don’t have any expectations. It is up to you to decide how we are going to proceed.’ Scully followed Stella around the room and raised her chin like she’d seen Stella do so often as a sign of defiance. ‘I think I’m quite clear on where I want this to go,’ she said softly before putting down her wine glass, leaning over to invade Stella’s personal space without warning and softly, almost reverently kiss her for the first time in almost 14 months.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to apologize for the short chapters - but I feel a need to get as much of this out as I can before Christmas. X

(2)  
Stella watched amused as Dana moved dangerously close. For a moment she’d been afraid of going too fast, too far but she had forgotten one thing. Dana Scully had been, and always would be, full of surprises. She held the power of blindsiding Stella with just one word, one gesture, and it had been magic and poison to her from the first time she’d allowed it to happen. She had had no idea that this would be the way Dana would capture her heart – but it had happened, and in the end there had been no regrets. There was absolutely nothing that Stella had wanted to change – except maybe for the first few months after she’d flown back home from New York. Life had been difficult for a period of time, with all hell breaking loose over her Belfast case and her personal issues on top of that. She had made mistakes – none of which she particularly wanted to share with Dana – and she’d cried, grieving for something she felt she might have lost forever. That was, until one blessed day an e-mail had fallen into her inbox. From Dana Scully.  
It had been an innocent email, just asking for an update, and was she okay. It had been the first time that she’d really thought about it and the first time in months that she had actually thought there might be a future worth sticking around for. She hadn’t dared to think about that before – possibilities meant hope, and hope generally meant disappointment to Stella Gibson, so she’d tried not to hope. And she’d succeeded fairly well, wallowing in the pain and self-inflicted rejection up to that point. Dana’s email had changed everything, and it had been almost one year ago to date that she’d replied, opening with a sweet Merry Christmas and best wishes for the new year. Even though she didn’t celebrate Christmas she knew, guessed, that Dana did and somehow that seemed important. So it hadn’t really been a coincidence that she’d invited her here, a year later, just after the holiday that had signaled their reconnection last year. 

The moment Stella felt Dana’s lips on hers she remembered everything. She felt the pain of their parting, but most of all she remembered the joy Dana had brought to her life in the short time she’d been in it – Dana had taught her more than she’d thought there was left to learn about herself. She felt it all as Dana tentatively kissed her and re-connected them in the most intimate way possible. Stella was acutely aware of the way their spirits seemed to find each other as both of them remembered, in a kind of flesh memory, what they liked and what they needed. Stella’s lips tingled from Dana’s touch and she felt how Dana’s hands searched for hers. Their hands had always been the pulse points of their physical relationship – holding hands, clutching hands, feathering hands across naked skin – and she demandingly slipped her tongue past Dana’s the moment she felt their hands clasp together. Dana smiled into the kiss and answered with equal measure, reminding Stella that she wasn’t one of her conquests – she never had been.  
Stella released Scully from the kiss and searched her face with slightly squinted eyes, as if she was looking for something, a clue as to what to do next or a confession of undying love – she found neither, but what she did find was equally important. She recognized something in Dana’s eyes that she hadn’t seen for a long time and she recognized it as something she lived for, only now realizing how important it had been to her and how scared she had been that it was gone. That sparkle, that incredibly blue fire that burned in its icy intensity and was there just for her. Stella had learned to identify it as love – a dangerous word, she’d told her psychologist, but not off-limits. Not anymore.  
‘I have something for you,’ Stella said, moving to stand and breaking the spellbinding energy that had come to play between them. ‘What?’ Scully asked, surprised and slightly amused. ‘She who hates Christmas buys me a Christmas present.’ ‘Not necessarily a Christmas present,’ Stella corrected as she gathered a neatly wrapped box-shaped present from a drawer in the kitchen. Scully smiled inwardly at where Stella had hidden it – somehow it seemed to fit perfectly with everything else that amazed her about this woman. Presents in the kitchen, sure. Whatever.  
Stella handed the gift to Scully, raising her eyebrow as she handed it over. ‘I’m not sure if you have this or not, you might,’ she warned, and Scully looked at the green, undeniably festive wrapping paper. ‘You didn’t have to get me anything,’ she said. ‘The invitation was surprising enough.’ ‘Open it,’ Stella smiled and sat back, sipping her wine, observing how Scully’s hands slowly felt the paper before tearing at the edges of the taped corners of the paper. Scully opened the gift, which she soon realized was a book, with barely contained anticipation and excitement. ‘Oh wow, Stella,’ she whispered as she looked down at what looked like an original copy of Virginia Woolf’s ‘The Waves’.  
‘Do you know it?’ Stella asked with a smile. ‘Yes, of course,’ Scully replied. ‘It’s considered to be Virginia Woolf’s most experimental novel, I read it a long time ago but I don’t actually own a copy. This looks old.’ ‘It is,’ Stella answered vaguely. Scully didn’t have to know the lengths she’d gone to to get this, nor the value of it – it was a gift, one she had wanted to give Dana since their first conversations in Central Park. She watched how Dana carefully opened it and flipped through a few of the pages. ‘It smells wonderful. Thank you, Stella,’ she said tentatively and Stella shook her head softly. ‘Don’t mention it. Consider it payment for flying all the way over here for me.’ ‘I wanted to,’ Scully said, ‘I was surprised to see the invitation. But I’m really happy you sent it.’ ‘I almost didn’t,’ Stella confessed. ‘My psychologist advised against it.’ ‘Did he now,’ Scully pursed her lips slightly humorously. ‘She, yes she did,’ Stella corrected her with a smirk. ‘She said I probably wasn’t ready to make big steps like this, like invite you over and have you stay here. She thinks you’re part of the problem.’ ‘What problem would that be?’ Scully asked innocently. She knew it was very rare for Stella to talk about this so she shifted a little closer on the couch, putting the book on the round glass table in front of them. Stella looked out into the room and without looking put her hand over Dana’s. ‘She says my past is something I need to accept,’ she said sadly. ‘Accept and move on. But I’m stuck at the accepting part.’ ‘How does that involve me?’ Scully asked in the same tone as before – light, airy. ‘It involves you because of my feelings for you, but I think you know that,’ Stella said and Scully was momentarily stunned by her honesty. Then, she sighed. ‘I was afraid you’d be right. You know, back in New York you predicted we wouldn’t speak much after going back home and even though we’d always be friends we’d lose touch. We almost did, Stella.’ Stella nodded. ‘I know, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to talk to you. Things got… Ugly, when I got back. I needed some time. I think I still need some time.’ Scully nodded, releasing Stella’s hand and reaching for her wine before taking a long sip. ‘Well, I’m here now,’ she said, ‘and the world didn’t end.’ ‘Not yet, anyway,’ Stella answered and stood again. ‘I’ll be right back.’ 

Scully watched how Stella momentarily disappeared upstairs and she wondered if she was all right. In their emails they had talked about Stella’s therapy and how it had been very confronting and hurtful at times, but at least she was talking to someone and Scully had been grateful for that. In the beginning there had been days when she had been worried sick – praying that Stella wouldn’t do anything stupid, or anything she knew helped to momentarily relieve the pain – but she’d soon learned she couldn’t live that way. She had, through her own experience with Mulder, learned she had to trust Stella to do the right thing. She couldn’t make Stella’s decisions for her, and she knew what they had agreed on upon parting so she had to wait. It had been hard, especially given Mulder’s emotional disarray and the decisions they had made to protect the leftovers of that relationship, and she’d been more alone than ever – until that one day when she just couldn’t stand it anymore. She needed to know how Stella was doing. She needed to know if they were still friends.  
Sighing, Scully pulled her feet up on the couch and looked around the living room once more. She saw a few photos of – presumably – family, a picture of Stella when she was younger riding a horse and one of her with a man, her father, Scully guessed. There were more personal items than Scully would have guessed and somehow it felt like an honor to be in Stella’s home – it clearly was a safe haven for her, somewhere where she didn’t bring many people, only the ones she trusted not to play with her heart. 

Stella went to the bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes but used the opportunity to calm herself a little. She dropped her face in her hands before releasing a deep sigh – relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw, she remembered – it’s just Dana. She wasn’t necessarily nervous but she didn’t feel completely comfortable either and she knew it was down to one thing, and one thing only. Through her conversations with her psychologist, whom she obviously hadn’t told everything, she had slowly come to realize that she might not be healthy for Dana. The realization had come six months into her therapy, like a thunderstorm on a quiet winter evening, breaking the seemingly all-powerful peace, and it had caused a momentary lapse in judgement and her first one-night stand in months. A co-worker, the new guy who had joined the team only a week earlier and was therefore blissfully unaware of Stella Gibson and her powers had served his purpose in deflecting Stella’s emotions for a little while. She’d fucked him, and she’d liked it, but as he had kissed her all she could think about was how big and hard his mouth was in comparison to Dana’s. However the epiphany hadn’t magically disappeared from her brain like she’d hoped it would and for a while she had considered cutting all ties. Then Dana’s next email had arrived and everything had been forgotten. ‘Mulder and I have decided to stop cohabitating for now,’ it had read. ‘Although it hurts and I’m saddened by the implications I know in my heart it’s for the best. Please don’t feel responsible, you’re not. This has simply been inevitable from the beginning.’  
It had put things into incredible perspective for Stella – It had simply been inevitable. From the moment she’d laid eyes on Dana she’d known, somewhere deep down on an instinct that this whole situation had been her only path. So slowly she had started to let go of her made-up reasons why she shouldn’t talk to or see Dana, and slowly but surely it had formed into the invitation that had left her slightly quivering hands. But having Dana here, in London, in her house – it was surreal and unnerving. Still, Stella knew they could figure this out if they just remembered what they had. So she sighed again, unbuttoned her blouse and pulled a fitted T-shirt over her bra before changing into slightly baggy sweatpants. Stretching her neck and combing her fingers through her hair she walked back downstairs to rejoin Dana on the couch. Dana watched her and noticed a slightly more relaxed air surrounding Stella and her fluffier blonde halo of hair. ‘Don’t you want to eat out?’ Dana asked, thinking Stella was bound to be a restaurant girl if she had visitors. ‘I can cook,’ Stella answered as she dropped down comfortably. ‘I don’t really feel like going out anymore.’ Scully nodded. ‘I wouldn’t have picked you for a cook.’ Stella put her arm along the back of the couch as she casually finished her glass of wine. ‘I don’t enjoy it when I’m by myself,’ she confessed, ‘but I’d like to cook dinner with you.’ Scully smiled shyly. ‘I’d like that as well.’ 

They chatted quietly, slowly reconnecting and bonding over everything they had missed the past year. They filled each other in on their lives, the cases Stella had been assigned to, the interesting procedures Scully had done and slowly but surely the conversation turned to their personal lives. Dana was curious about Stella’s experiences with this female psychologist and Stella was willing to share a little, something Scully appreciated immensely. Stella told her how she’d been superficial in their first meeting and how right up until the end she’d thought she was getting away with it, until then, right before the hour was up the lady had asked Stella if she wanted to be here or if it was just a mandatory session. She knew the answer, of course, it was mandatory – but somehow the psychologist had known that there was something else motivating Stella. ‘I almost cried,’ Stella confessed. ‘She was spot on. It’s very intimidating to talk to her. I usually let other people do all the confessing, and here I was.’ Scully nodded. ‘It’s her job. She’s going to say something that hits a nerve and then stay quiet until you feel like there’s no way out of your own brain but through the truth.’ 

‘Sometimes there isn’t,’ Stella answered before standing up and moving into the kitchen. ‘Anyway, what would you like to eat?’ Scully shrugged. ‘I think you have something planned as you just said you don’t usually cook,’ she said, and Stella sighed. ‘I do.’ She gathered some vegetables from various places and got a cutting board out of one of the drawers, handing it to Dana. Scully put it down on the middle part of the counter, grabbing a knife from one of the holders. Stella put on a pot of water and moved around getting cutlery and plates from the cupboards. Scully pretended to focus on her cutting work as she watched Stella move confidently around her kitchen – somehow it was sexy as hell, and she was glad Stella hadn’t wanted to go out for dinner – she was exhausted and she felt like she needed the privacy of Stella’s house more than anything else. As Scully cut the bell peppers, tomatoes, onion and garlic she watched as Stella set out to make pasta dough from scratch. ‘And you say you don’t cook,’ she wondered out loud. Stella smirked. ‘It’s easy, really. I don’t like to make a mess when I have to clean it all myself. I was going to make you clean it after I feed you.’ Scully laughed. ‘Whatever. I’ll have to earn my stay one way or another.’ As she finished her sentence she looked up and found Stella’s eyes already looking at her. ‘I have a feeling that won’t be a problem,’ Stella said in her low, tender voice.


	3. Chapter 3

(3)  
Slowly, minute by minute Scully started to relax. It took her a while to remember that with Stella, she didn’t have to pretend. She’d been pretending for so long – to be fine, to be unaffected, because she had to be the strong one both personally and professionally. As a woman in a man’s world on both fronts she had learned years and years ago to pretend and it had become her natural state of being. For a single precious moment she’d felt that mask lifted by Stella and during that time she’d seen a light in herself and in Stella that had set her free and simultaneously trapped her in its addiction. She found now that she’d missed that the most, looking into Stella’s eyes and telling her with a breath that no, I’m not okay, without judgment or disappointment and without repercussions. Being in Stella’s house felt like being surrounded by a blanket of confidentiality, peace, truth and freedom and Scully slowly but reluctantly remembered the feeling that she’d been so intimately familiar with. As Stella took the cutting board from her and slid the vegetables into a sizzling pan next to her Scully reached out her arm and touched her palm to the curve of Stella’s back. Stella shot her a look over her left shoulder and the corner of her mouth curved up gently. Scully dropped her hand away and continued to prep as Stella sighed and turned towards her. ‘You must be tired,’ she said. Scully shrugged. ‘Not particularly, I slept on the plane. I prefer overnight flights.’ Stella nodded. ‘Me too.’

‘So,’ Scully said a little nervously, ‘you didn’t celebrate Christmas at all?’ ‘I just did,’ Stella said and nodded towards the book she gave Scully. ‘I didn’t get you anything,’ Scully said. ‘You didn’t give me anything of material value,’ Stella corrected. ‘You know what you gave me. And that’s more precious than any tangible gift could be.’ Scully looked at Stella who had busied herself with stirring the veggies, pushing them around for no particular reason other than distracting her from Dana. ‘I think I’d like to hear you say it,’ Scully said softly. She watched how Stella slowed her stirring, looked at the splash board for a moment and released a breath before turning to face Dana. ‘What did you say?’ she raised her chin towards Dana. ‘I’d like to hear you say what I gave you,’ Scully repeated. ‘I need a reminder.’  
The corner of Stella’s mouth twitched up in an involuntary smile that defiantly reappeared after a second as Stella stepped a single step closer to Dana. That was all it took to close the distance between them and Stella’s body melted against Dana’s as if it had never left its cocoon. Stella’s hands curled in Dana’s hair – shorter than before, thicker and wavy like autumn itself – and she slanted her lips down on Dana’s as if they could somehow personify the words she couldn’t say. Scully knew it, she felt it, and she accepted it for what it was – a journey, a precious part of their journey that would inevitably bring them together to separate them again – if they weren’t strong enough to do something about it. So as Stella slipped her tongue between Dana’s lips and cradled her head close to her own Scully moaned softly before leaning back. She broke the kiss, not abruptly but unexpectedly and Stella tried to pull her back in. Dana’s hands came to Stella’s cheeks. ‘Say it, Stella.’  
Stella looked down before gently leaning her forehead against Dana’s, her hands still tangled in Dana’s fiery hair. ‘You give me life,’ she confessed quietly. Scully leaned back to catch Stella’s misty blue eyes with hers. Stella raised her eyebrows in utter vulnerability. ‘You give me life, Dana,’ she repeated.  
‘And you give it every single day.’

Dana’s body tingled, starting in her crown where Stella’s hands unleashed the truth of her statement into Dana’s veins. The surge of electrified emotion curled through her lips, her arms, out of her fingers and down to her knees and toes. Just when she thought she wouldn’t be able to stay upright Stella kissed her again and strength was restored to every single fiber of her being.  
This time there was no pulling back, no pushing away, only a coming together of two old souls who had lost each other and were only now finding their way back to each other. When Stella finally released Dana’s lips from between hers she brought her hands down to Scully’s waist before looking up to meet her eyes. Stella looked straight into an abyss of oceanic proportions as Dana felt her entire soul being ripped open by Stella’s intensity. For her it had been a year and two months since something like this had happened. For Stella, she knew, it must have happened a lot recently – and that would be the reason she was willing to bare herself to Scully now. Scully felt a wave of pride wash over her but she didn’t vocalize it – she didn’t have to. She simply looked at Stella, at her eyes, the way her brows reluctantly relaxed, the soft waves made by her silken hair and the way her chin perfectly curved up into softly smiling lips. Scully blinked slowly. ‘The food is going to burn,’ she said softly, challengingly and Stella smiled brightly at her. ‘I turned the heat down,’ she said slowly. Dana grinned before walking the few steps around Stella. Stella crossed her arms and leaned against the counter with her back, watching how Scully took the wooden spoon and started to stir the reds, yellows and greens again. They were indeed fine and Scully shook her head in wonder. Stella continued to watch her for another minute before turning her attention back to the pasta. The air in the room was light, quiet and cozy as the smell of Italy slowly filled the kitchen and warmed the hearts and cheeks of the two women moving around in it.

About twenty minutes later Stella handed Dana her plate, quietly proud of their accomplishment as her pasta had turned out perfect and the smell coming from the kitchen was something she almost felt she’d missed. It had been a long while since she’d last cooked something meaningful in there, she realized, and she wasn’t prepared for the feelings that had invaded her senses and her soul. The past few months had consisted of working, getting her heart ripped apart by her psychologist, having it mended by Dana’s emails and working again – It had become an almost comfortable discomfort and she remembered an earlier time when she’d felt this, only then it had been out of sheer choice. This had been born out of choice as well but it was driven by something much stronger: The need for survival she’d adopted from Dana Scully. Stella hoped Dana knew what she had caused, she hoped she knew how much she had changed Stella’s life and how grateful Stella was for that. For a while she’d done the work for Dana and Dana alone, but slowly but surely she had started to put the hours in for herself. Once she’d let go of the first wall surrounding her heart it had become harder but more rewarding and in that way she had begun to see purpose in her life again. It was no longer just the motions she woke up for, but it was her life, the possibilities and the hopes that were slowly reappearing in her brain.  
Dana accepted the plate and with her other hand grabbed the already opened bottle of red wine. They sat down on the couch, forgoing any pretense of sitting separately and Stella smiled as Dana pulled her legs up and turned slightly into Stella’s body. ‘Is this okay?’ Dana asked, wanting to make sure Stella could still eat. ‘Yes,’ Stella replied. ‘Enjoy.’ ‘It smells really good,’ Dana commented before she started eating. ‘My mom made a wonderful Christmas dinner this year,’ Scully started casual conversation. ‘Usually I cook Thanksgiving dinner and she does Christmas, but it had been a while since we’d celebrated in this way. It was really nice.’ ‘Sounds great,’ Stella commented. ‘My mother used to do that as well.’ ‘Not anymore?’ Scully asked. ‘No,’ Stella answered. ‘Not anymore.’ Scully nodded. ‘I can see why you don’t like Christmas. It’s as commercialized and as profitable as companies can make it. It used to be about something, you know. About family.’ Stella shrugged. ‘The ‘true’ meaning of Christmas is rarely on people’s minds anymore. I’d rather work and try to do some good than participate in what for most people is an egotistical display of wealth and power.’ Scully leaned back against her. ‘You’re right, and Mulder would agree with you.’ ‘Did he celebrate Christmas with you?’ Stella asked. ‘He called,’ Scully said, ‘but I didn’t see him. I don’t actually know what he did.’ Stella leaned forward a little to look at Scully’s face. There was a certain wistfulness in her eyes, but something about the peace in it reassured Stella as well. ‘He probably celebrated in much the same manner as I did,’ she said, ‘I ordered take-out burgers and watched a concert.’ Scully smiled, picturing Mulder on his couch with a pizza and some sci-fi movie he’d seen 43 times on the tv. ‘That might actually be true,’ she said, taking a big bite from her plate. ‘This is so good.’ Stella nodded. ‘Want ice cream later?’ Scully’s eyes widened. ‘Yes. Of course.’ It was the end of a conversation that had produced more questions than answers, but they had time. Scully’s flight back wasn’t for a few days and they both had absolutely nowhere to be but in each other’s company. Stella had a few things planned she would ordinarily never do but she was looking forward to sharing them with Dana, especially now that there seemed to be nothing different between them except for the restraints of time that had fallen away to reveal their future. Somehow it was daunting, to have almost endless possibilities and seemingly unlimited time, but Stella knew she had to be patient with herself and with Dana. She sighed, relaxed further into Dana’s back that was planted firmly against her right arm and ate her pasta peacefully. 

It didn’t take long for Dana to stand after they had finished their plates. Stella was still feeling slightly too full for ice cream but Dana apparently had some room left for dessert as she made her way to the kitchen. ‘It’s in the freezer,’ Stella said, mentioning vaguely to Dana who seemed to be finding it just fine on her own. ‘There’s an ice scoop in the drawer to your right.’ She watched amused as Dana pulled open some cupboards in a quest for bowls, decidedly not listening to Stella’s directions. Finally Dana came across bowls she deemed appropriate for the chocolate ice cream she’d found in the freezer. ‘These almost seem Christmassy,’ she commented, holding up the red checkered bowls. ‘They’re not, I assure you,’ Stella said, ‘now hurry up with that ice cream.’ ‘I thought you didn’t want any,’ Scully teased. ‘I’m not sure there’s enough anyway.’ She scooped two portions into the bowls, making sure to divide it equally between them. She collected two spoons and moved back to Stella on the couch. ‘Sit,’ Stella instructed as she stood and walked back over to the kitchen. Scully watched curiously as Stella opened her fridge and collected another bowl. It was filled with strawberries and cherries and Scully’s jaw dropped at her considerateness. ‘Wow,’ she commented, ‘I think this outdoes my mother’s dessert.’ ‘Good,’ Stella nodded. ‘I need some leverage to get you to come back here.’ ‘Well, chocolate ice cream is definitely the way,’ Scully approved, ‘although I don’t think you need anything as elaborate as this.’ ‘Who knows, London might disappoint,’ Stella said, her voice soft and slightly hoarse. ‘You said yourself it’s been a while,’ ‘I have you as my guide when I’m here,’ Scully said, ‘I don’t think I’ll be disappointed.’ Their minds simultaneously went back to that time in New York when Stella had shown Dana around her favorite places all across Manhattan. It had been a magical day, and Stella was hellbent on making this visit as special as that one had been.  
Stella scooped some berries into Dana’s bowl, lifting the spoon to her mouth when a few strawberries stubbornly stuck to the cold curve. Scully softly took them off with her lips, watching how Stella’s eyes settled on her lips before following the spoon back to the bowl. ‘Eat,’ Stella whispered and Dana smiled. ‘Yes, sir.’

As she ate the dessert Scully felt warmth spread slowly through her body. Not coldness, like one would expect eating ice cream, but a quickly spreading glowing heat radiated from Stella and filled Dana as she watched Stella scoop spoonful after spoonful of ice cream to her lips. She wasn’t being overly obvious about it, quite the opposite in fact, as Stella seemed invested in her dessert more so than Scully. It slowly became harder and harder for Scully to focus on her bowl and not on the way Stella’s lips parted in anticipation, how her perfect hands brought the spoon closer before taking it in and how finally the tip of her tongue would come out and lick any remaining chocolate from her lips. Scully was reminded of so much at once that she felt the heat rise in her cheeks, knowing her complexion would give her away the second Stella decided to lay eyes on her again. Luckily, Stella didn’t, and Scully quietly scooped and reveled in the fact that just watching this woman could arouse her to a point where all she wanted to do was scoop the next spoonful towards Stella’s mouth instead of her own. She considered it, dropped the idea, then reconsidered and maneuvered two pieces of cherry onto her spoon before shifting closer to Stella. She sat on the edge of the couch and felt Stella’s eyes move to her face. Embarrassment joined arousal in the dance of red and pink on her cheeks and Stella squinted before focusing her gaze on Dana’s. Dana pushed on through the doubts her brain threw at her and she kept her eyes on Stella as she guided the spoon to Stella’s lips. Stella of course knew what was going on – she’d purposefully avoided looking at Dana’s hands and lips because she knew the same fate would come for her the second she allowed it to – so as soon as Dana’s hand moved upwards Stella laid her eyes square on Dana’s face. She watched as the tip of Dana’s tongue came out involuntarily in concentration. Slowly she opened her mouth as the spoon approached and took the cherries off with a rusty sensuality that she found still came naturally to her even though it had been a while since she’d put it into practice. ‘Hmm,’ she teased Dana, knowing how much she loved the sounds Stella could make and the impact they had on her. ‘Stop it,’ Dana warned, smiling, blushing even more furiously. ‘Are you hot, dear?’ Stella teased. ‘No,’ Scully said softly and seriously. ‘You are.’


	4. Chapter 4

‘Would you like to go for a walk?’ Stella asked Dana.

They’d been sitting on the couch, two empty bowls on the table and half-filled wine glasses in hand they were wrapped up in easy conversation. Stella was slightly slouched down next to Dana, their arms touching and their hips close next to each other. Their careful teasing had continued but silently they had agreed not to take it further at this time. ‘Sure,’ Scully replied. ‘Is it still snowing?’ Stella glanced over her shoulder through the curtains. ‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Looks like it’s snowing quite heavily actually.’ ‘Really?’ Dana asked, delighted. Snow was a hassle when you had to be somewhere, but today, just after Christmas with no place to be she couldn’t imagine anything more appropriate. ‘Let’s go then,’ Stella said, pushing herself up into a standing position. She reached back and extended a hand towards Dana, who took it thankfully. She pulled her up and guided her towards the hallway where their coats and shoes were waiting. Scully smiled when Stella pulled out a pair of furry lined boots that seemed strangely out of character. Stella looked at her sideways. ‘What, did you think I was going out in heels?’ Scully shrugged and went up the stairs to gather her own pair of winter boots that she’d brought just in case. They were warm and waterproof and she was already very glad she’d packed them – glancing outside there was indeed a thick blanket of snow covering the streets.

 

Stella closed the door behind them and turned back to Scully. She was standing a few steps in front of Stella, just past the steps leading up to her door. A few small snowflakes had already pinned themselves to her soft ginger hair as she looked around wondrously. Stella thought she’d never seen her look younger and her heart swelled with warmth. Unable to hide a smile she joined Dana and locked hands with her as she guided her onto the street. Scully followed, looking at her boots crushing the snow with every step. She curled her fingers through Stella’s, putting her other hand on Stella’s forearm to keep her close. ‘Where are we going?’ Scully asked. ‘I don’t know,’ Stella answered with a smile. ‘Let’s turn right at the end of the street and see where we end up.’ Of course she knew exactly where she was going but she was willing to tease her control freak doctor a little. Scully sighed. ‘I hope you know London at night better than you know New York,’ she muttered, remembering getting lost with Stella on dark streets. That evening had been magical and this one was as well. ‘Do you have plans for New Years?’ Scully asked after a few moments. Stella pursed her lips and turned a corner, softly pulling Dana to tag along. ‘Not particularly,’ she answered. ‘You?’ They hadn’t necessarily discussed or set a date when Scully would leave again, only Scully knew when her flight was. ‘Actually I was hoping I could spend it here,’ Dana said bravely, squeezing Stella’s hand. Stella was quiet and Scully felt the air between them change a little. Stella had considered it, but she’d pushed that thought away – She hadn’t allowed herself to think about things like that when she didn’t know what Dana’s plans were and really where they stood. Since Dana had been with her today she’d felt light and quite positive and it had changed some things which made Stella slightly braver than she’d been before. ‘Would you like that?’ she asked Dana. ‘Would you like to spend New Year’s Eve with me in London?’ ‘I would,’ Dana answered. ‘How do you know I haven’t got eight invitations to parties lying around?’ Dana shrugged. ‘I guess if you did you should consider this a ninth invite.’ Stella chuckled. ‘To my own home.’ Scully nodded. ‘I’d like very much to spend New Year’s with you,’ she said honestly and openly. ‘Then you’re very welcome to stay,’ Stella replied warmly. ‘You’re welcome to stay as long as you want but that goes without saying.’ ‘Hmm,’ Scully affirmed, ‘thank you.’ She smiled sideways at Stella and caught a glimpse of how Stella licked her lips. There was a slight tension in Stella’s arm and Scully rubbed it with her hand that was still on Stella’s sleeve. ‘Are you cold?’ she asked. ‘No,’ Stella replied. ‘You just made me a lot warmer.’ Scully chuckled at Stella’s ability to turn something corny straight into an undeniable truth. 

 

Of course there were no standing appointments for the changing of the year. There had been a few kind invitations but Stella had turned them down politely simply because she didn’t feel like going. So until now her plans had consisted of her, a bottle of wine and perhaps a phone call to one of her best friends who was up in Cardiff at the moment for work – and she’d been fine with that. Her brain had played with the idea of asking Dana to stay, but she’d decided against it without really knowing why. However now that Dana had suggested it she couldn’t imagine why she would spend New Year’s any other way. ‘You know, I thought about asking you,’ she said softly to Scully as they walked into a park Scully didn’t recognize. The snow was still falling peacefully around them and there were a few people around but ultimately there was a secure blanket of quiet around them. ‘Asking me what?’ Dana replied curiously. ‘I thought about asking you to stay here until after New Year’s,’ Stella clarified. She knew she was getting herself into a conversation she didn’t necessarily want to have but she had been told to take more risks that way, so here it was. ‘I thought about asking you if I could stay, too,’ Dana answered, ‘why didn’t you ask me sooner?’ ‘You first,’ Stella smirked as she navigated Dana towards a bridge crossing a pond. Scully shrugged. ‘Don’t know, I guess I didn’t want to give you a chance to say no.’ ‘Hmm,’ Stella hummed. ‘I think I was afraid of you saying no as well.’ Scully turned her head towards Stella, her hair blowing softly in her face. She saw snowflakes attach themselves to Stella’s lashes and hair and to the worry written in her expression. Stella didn’t look at her but kept her eyes on the road. Scully noticed a shimmer in Stella’s eyes that went beyond the cold winter sting of the air around them and she squeezed Stella’s arm again. ‘The plan was always to stay into the New Year,’ she said softly, trying to get Stella to look at her with her tone of voice. Stella noticed but ignored it, fighting an inner battle in which she’d recently been told to accept defeat. ‘I’m prepared to stay in a hotel if you need me to,’ Scully continued, ‘I understand if you need time or space. We didn’t really have a plan and I still don’t so if you need me to go -’ She was rudely interrupted by the brick wall of a park café that gently made contact with her back as Stella pushed her into it and kissed her. ‘Shut up,’ Stella whispered into her mouth. ‘Shut up and stay with me.’

 

Stella had listened to Dana ramble and she’d decided something right then, on the spot. She’d decided to trust Dana’s decisions to be the right ones. It had been Dana who had decided that she wanted to be with Stella back then and it had been Dana who had decided to stick around. She had been the one to contact Stella again and she’d be the one to safely and responsibly guide them through this, so Stella decided to allow herself to trust Dana and she needed to tell her in the only way she knew how. As she softly pushed Dana into the wall with her body she considered for one second the people around them but she pushed that aside quickly – No one cared and it was no one’s business. Her hands unfolded from Dana’s and came to grab Dana’s collar to hold her close. One hand slid up to lie on her cheek, hot and glowing to her touch and Stella smiled into the kiss – the doctor was blushing. As the kiss ended she stepped back from Dana, offering her a hand again and she felt Dana’s eyes return to her face. This time she allowed herself to look back at her and really let her watch and Dana thanked her with the sweetest smile. ‘I’ve missed that smile,’ Stella confessed quietly. ‘I’ve missed you,’ Scully admitted in response and grasped Stella’s hand in hers again. As in a familiar movement they linked fingers and found the pocket of Stella’s swing coat to hide away in – not to hide from the truth but simply to protect themselves from the harsh conditions of the outside world.

 

Dana took a moment to truly look into Stella’s endless ocean of emotions that showed in her shining eyes and for a second it took her breath away. She was no stranger to communicating through one’s eyes but in Stella’s she found another level of intimacy. Stella could go from hiding everything to stripping away all barriers in a matter of seconds and it utterly disarmed Scully in its intensity. She knew it was rare and precious and she made sure to be careful with Stella’s openness but she loved it dearly. ‘So,’ Dana said, turning her eyes back to the snowy path ahead of them. ‘I’m guessing I don’t have to book a hotel room?’ ‘Don’t you dare,’ Stella smiled, ‘unless it’s big enough for the both of us.’ ‘I think I like staying at your place better,’ Scully said. Stella raised her chin. ‘Me too.’ With that, they both smiled and disappeared in their own little world for a minute or two as they continued to walk through the snow, enjoying each other’s company while accepting themselves a little more each passing moment.

 

They walked across the bridge, twinkling lights all around them as Stella dragged her naked hand along the snowy blanket that had formed on the banister. Scully watched the way Stella’s fingers seemed to caress the snowflakes and the way the snow fell in parts down to the water which had a thin film of ice covering it. It was too thin to withstand the weight and soft cracks and splashes were audible as they continued to stroll down. Side by side they were quiet, apart from the sounds around them nothing could invade their bubble and disturb the peace that was settling around them once again. Stella found strength in Dana’s hold where Scully drew courage from Stella’s straight back and determined steps. They had always been compatible, and slowly, bit by bit they were learning again what it meant to walk together through rough conditions.

 

Stella loved the snow and felt a slight tinge of sadness as the curtain of snowflakes slowly lifted to reveal a dark winter’s night. She looked ahead to where she knew a path should be but the cloud of wintery whiteness that was covering the ground made it impossible to navigate the hidden roads. She pulled Dana along to follow her even though she had no idea where she was going exactly but Dana seemed eager to follow, a childlike giddiness in her step as she fell back into a skipping stride next to Stella. ‘Careful,’ Stella grinned as Dana’s foot slipped in the snow but she caught herself so elegantly that Stella almost felt stupid. ‘I won’t fall,’ Scully grinned back at her and Stella was once again struck by the youth she saw on Dana’s face. ‘You know, I’m told to let go more,’ Stella said, ‘But I’ve been struggling with how. How do you do it?’ Scully smiled at her, an open smile that Stella hadn’t seen much of before. It was a careless smile, she realized. ‘I’m no good at it,’ Scully said, still smiling. ‘I never have been.’ ‘I disagree,’ Stella shook her head slowly. ‘There’s so much pressure on you, daily, as a scientist and a doctor but still I sense in you an integrity and sense of self that I’ve been struggling to find again.’ She had lost her confidence in who she was, Scully knew, and even though an outsider would never be able to tell she knew it was one of the most heartbreaking things to come from Stella’s case in Belfast – she felt like the Belfast Strangler had taken that part of herself and toyed with it until there was nothing left for her to take back. ‘You’re the bravest person I know,’ Scully said honestly. ‘The strongest woman I’ve ever met and I aspire to be half the person you are. You didn’t lose anything to him. You were tested, but you came out and you survived. That’s what you did, you survived and you’re still surviving.’ Stella nodded and kicked the snow in front of her. ‘I’ve heard someone say it is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default. I think it’s true, but it’s something women struggle with all the time. We’re not meant to succeed, society doesn’t want to see us excel so they want and expect us to break down and cry. Some people gloat if they see a woman fall. Others celebrate a magnificent recovery, but I’ve found them to be much more of a rarity – there are lines of people waiting to see you fail. To me, that’s such a conundrum. I failed, I failed myself and I failed those women and there’s nothing I can do about it but it does mean that I have a chance now to recover and come out on top. However, his victims don’t have that opportunity because of me.’ ‘No,’ Scully stopped her, her voice strong. ‘Not because of you. Because of him.’ ‘I know,’ Stella said sighing. ‘You know what I mean. I don’t blame myself for their death, I blame myself for allowing him to run freely for as long as he did. His choices were his and I had no way of stopping him.’ Scully nodded. ‘All I wanted to say is that I envy your courage and strength,’ she said softly. ‘It’s hard, I’m getting older and the more I age the more I realize that I am still struggling with basics.’ Stella nodded. ‘Strangely enough I’ve been feeling that too. And I don’t want to sound stigmatizing or as if I’m talking down on you but I have to say I think you’ve never looked younger to me as you do out here, in the snow.’ Scully smiled a small smile. ‘It’s true,’ Stella said earnestly and let go of Dana’s hand for a moment to curl her hair behind her ear. ‘It doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t add or subtract to any kind of value but I think it shows how important truthfulness to oneself really is.’ ‘Hmm,’ Scully smiled before scooping up some snow with her bare hands and throwing it at Stella in a loose ball. It hit her shoulder and spat apart, causing Stella to laugh in surprise. ‘God, I wish you never feel the pressure to change,’ she thought out loud. ‘Daily,’ Scully admitted, ‘But I just can’t.’ Stella grabbed her wrist before she could bend down again and pulled her into a sideways hug that was a little awkward but sweet in its intention. Scully turned to face Stella and grabbed one of her hands, lifting it to her cold lips. ‘Let’s head back,’ she suggested. ‘I’m getting cold.’ ‘That’s what you get for throwing snow with your bare hands,’ Stella smirked as she headed down the path towards the gate to their left. ‘I’ll make you a hot chocolate when we get back.’ Scully hummed quietly in appreciation. ‘I like the sound of that.’ And just like that, their heavy conversation had passed again – it had taken its place among the many happy memories that they had, slowly falling into context with everything they had done and said and just like everything else they did it strengthened their bond and brought them closer together. Stella felt out of her depth and Scully felt strangely cold and warm at the same time but both of them knew this to be the effect of long-term exposure to one another – it was unfamiliar and uncomfortable but new and exciting in itself.

 

It took them about thirty minutes to wander back onto Stella’s street, but Scully recognized it the moment they turned the corner. She felt strangely drawn to Stella’s house like it was her own and she couldn’t wait to get her feet up on the couch again. Stella opened the door and mentioned for Dana to get in as she patted the last stubbornly remaining snowflakes off her coat. Scully kicked off her boots on the huge door mat before throwing her coat over the stairway railing. She shivered and decided to keep her scarf around her neck until she was warm again, but the promise of hot chocolate said it wouldn’t take long for her to lose the snowy chill that had settled in her bones. Stella closed the door, shivered audibly and kicked off her boots in a corner. She moved into the kitchen immediately and Scully followed suit. She stood behind Stella quietly watching her work. Stella poured some chocolate milk in a pan and put it on a low heat, not wanting to use the microwave. As Stella stirred the chocolate Scully softly stepped a little closer into her back, breasts pressing against Stella’s body as her arms surrounded her. Stella’s free hand came to lie on Scully’s cold fingers, softly rubbing them against her belly. ‘This is nice,’ Scully commented, putting her chin in the perfect curve of Stella’s shoulder and neck. ‘It is,’ Stella agreed and relaxed back into Dana while continuing to stir the hot chocolate. The feeling was unfamiliar to Dana as it had been many, many months since she’d been in this position but her body was remembering the feel of Stella more and more every time they got close and she had decided a few hours ago to surrender to the feeling and just let it happen. So when Stella leaned her head back slightly and her blonde curls fell away Scully stood on her tiptoes to press a kiss in the warm hollow of Stella’s neck. ‘Don’t do that if you want me to finish this,’ Stella warned on a soft smile. ‘I want to finish this as well,’ Scully smiled into her skin, ‘If you’ll let me, I’ll finish this later.’ ‘What is “this”, exactly?’ Stella asked innocently as she stood straight to pour the milk into two cups. Dana reached around and took one cup while turning around towards the couch. ‘You,’ she said, barely audible. ‘I want to finish you.’


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone! I haven't had much time to write recently which I'm gutted about but I'm still in a wintery mood (that Christmas tree is still going strong in my house) so there'll definitely be more of this.

(5)

‘Can I please take a shower, I feel dirty from the flight,’ Scully whined as she finished her hot chocolate. ‘Of course,’ Stella smirked, ‘you really don’t have to ask me.’ Scully looked back at her from her position on the carpet, her back against Stella’s couch. ‘Thank you,’ she said and stood. ‘I put out some towels for you already, use whatever you need,’ Stella said. ‘Take a bath if you want to.’ Scully lightly shook her head. ‘I’ll fall asleep.’ ‘I’ll come check on you if you take too long,’ Stella assured her, putting her cup down on the table. Scully stood and walked over to the stairs, turning around by the door. ‘You can join me if you want,’ she said softly, suddenly losing her confidence. Stella smiled. ‘Let’s not complicate things now. We’ll talk about it later.’ Scully nodded, but she couldn’t hide the defeat that crossed her face. ‘Hey,’ Stella called to her, ‘Stop that. It doesn’t mean no. It doesn’t give you the right to just discard everything we’ve said and done so far. I want you here and I want you next to me.’ It was the most eloquent she’d been in a long time and quietly she praised herself for not letting the moment pass without doing something about it. She watched as Scully nodded. ‘The offer stands,’ she said before skipping upstairs. Stella chuckled to herself before clearing away their dishes and dropping down on the sofa again. The offer had been tempting, especially after Dana had started her seductive routine back in the kitchen. Honestly, every second they were together was a second Stella yearned for her more, the memory of sweet and not-so-innocent Dana Scully’s naked skin on hers something she wished she’d never forget. However she decided to test her resolve, to attempt to let Dana come to her on her own terms like she expected others to do to her. Although she knew Dana was different, Dana would want her to stride into that bathroom and finger fuck her senseless she knew how much more this was and how much more precious it would be if she waited.

So for a good ten minutes, she waited.

 

Until she couldn’t wait anymore and her body lifted itself and her feet carried her up the stairs as if she weren’t in control. She heard the water running behind her bathroom door and soft splashes gave away the fact that Dana was indeed enjoying her bathtub like she’d suggested. She had the sense to knock before entering, and Dana’s soft voice responded almost immediately. ‘I thought you didn’t want to join me.’ ‘I just came to check if you’re still alive,’ Stella replied and she heard Dana huff out a laugh.  ‘You can come in,’ Scully called, ‘you really don’t have to ask.’ Stella grimaced at the way Dana copied her words from earlier but she loved her for it as well, the way she knew Scully’s mind probably recalled everything they’d ever said to each other. Stella opened the door and entered to find Dana leaning back in the slowly filling tub. She was surrounded by bubbles that were slowly traveling up as the water level rose, and Stella noted how it had just risen above Dana’s naked nipples. She admired the one leg that was propped up on the far edge, her foot pointed towards the wall, wet and shining and regal. Her hair was up in a thick, fiery bundle of red and gold and Dana had her eyes closed but she greeted Stella with a smile. ‘Close the door,’ she said softly, and Stella did so swiftly. She sat down on her knees next to the tub, no longer wanting to disturb Dana in her bath, suddenly content with the idea of sitting with her for a little while. ‘Are you going to join me?’ Dana said, her eyes still closed, blissfully unaware of Stella’s proximity. Leaning a little closer to Dana’s ear, careful not to startle her, Stella whispered her single-worded response. ‘No,’ she said, ‘I’m not.’

 

Scully felt goose bumps erupt on her naked shoulders and arms, Stella’s voice warming her as she sighed deeply. Carefully Scully opened her eyes and found Stella’s face close, her eyes focused on hers and her hand next to her elbow on the edge of the tub. ‘Are you going to watch me?’ she asked softly. Stella nodded, a lock of hair falling from its position on her shoulder to dangle dangerously above the water. Stella reached to curl it back behind her ear but it came loose again defiantly and Scully chuckled, letting her eyes wander across Stella’s face before relaxing her head back onto the edge of the tub. The fact that Scully had put her hair up wasn’t lost to Stella and she smiled inwardly, remembering a conversation they’d had in a shower a long time ago. It seemed like a lifetime ago, she wondered, and the memories of everything that had happened in between suddenly hit her. She’d changed so much and she was proud of that, but she’d never really let anyone in on her development. With Dana so close she felt like she had something to prove, like she needed to show her everything she’d done and prove to her that she was worth fighting for.

Scully opened her eyes as she felt Stella shift and go quiet beside her, and as she watched her she noticed Stella’s eyebrow tensely moving upwards in an arch that Scully had come to recognize as ‘bad news’. ‘What’s wrong?’ she asked quietly. ‘It’s nothing, really,’ Stella shook her head softly from her position against the bathroom wall, but the look on her face didn’t let up. ‘Come on,’ Scully said, sitting up a little and turning of the tap before leaning on her hands on the side of the tub. Her chin was close to Stella, and her eyes pierced into the blondes to try and free her thoughts. ‘You thought of something,’ Scully started. Stella nodded. ‘Yes, but it’s nothing.’

‘Stella,’ Scully said, but there was no accusation in her voice. No form of judgment or devaluation and Stella was almost ashamed of herself - of course Dana Scully would say exactly what she needed. Sighing, she admitted defeat. ‘Okay,’ she said slowly. ‘I was just thinking… We were different people before. But you still feel exactly the same way to me. I was afraid of what it would do to us when you came here, because realistically we’d been apart so long that we couldn’t have any sure way of knowing if it would work.’ Scully nodded, she’d had the same thought about a week after the invitation and it had stayed with her, buried deep inside her mind, until she’d seen Stella at the airport. At that moment she’d known that they’d be all right, but she never would have guessed that Stella had the same apprehension. ‘I had the same doubts, actually,’ she answered. ‘A woman thinks about these things. It’s normal.’ Stella nodded. ‘It’s funny, with a man one would be inclined to keep these thoughts to oneself. I personally would never talk with a man about this,’ she said. ‘But with you I feel it necessary and freeing to share.’ Scully smiled sweetly, reaching out one wet soapy hand to find Stella’s. Stella pulled up her sleeve on her right arm and hooked her arm over the side of the tub, taking Scully’s hand just below the water line. ‘That’s because you’re incredibly strong and you know what you want,’ she said softly, ‘and you’re prepared to work hard in order to get it. And that includes psychological and mental work. People often discount that but it’s the hardest thing there is.’ Stella sighed. ‘It makes me feel weak to talk about it. There’s such a stigma leaning on it, still, that even if I mention therapy in the office they look at me differently. I’m afraid of that. I find I’m not strong enough to deal with emotional distress as well as meager office gossip.’ ‘I know the hard work that goes into it, I see it daily,’ Scully said softly, and Stella understood her double meaning. She saw it in the hospital, naturally, but also in her personal life as her partner had been dealing with depression for years. ‘But you’re amazing and I know you’re doing this for you, and that’s the bravest thing I know,’ Scully said hesitantly. Stella smiled and cocked her head down to hide her eyes. ‘I started it for you,’ she admitted quietly. ‘But you’re right, I continued for me. It’s helping me.’ ‘Even though you’re probably not being completely honest,’ Scully added on a sweet grin. ‘True,’ Stella said, looking up at her with a crooked smile. ‘Look, we all have our deepest darkest desires that don’t have to be shared with anyone,’ she defended herself against the look on Dana’s face. Scully smiled and nodded her approval, taking their linked hands to lie on her submerged stomach. ‘So, what did you tell her about me?’ she inquired innocently. ‘About us?’ Stella sighed. ‘Who says I talk about you at all?’ she teased. Dana feigned disappointment and pouted a little and Stella was instantly defenseless against anything else Dana was about to say.

 

‘I talk about you with my therapist,’ she whispered softly and Stella’s eyes shot to hers. She didn’t know Dana was seeing a counselor as well, somehow it hadn’t come up or Dana hadn’t wanted to reveal it before. ‘You do?’ Stella said softly. ‘What do you tell him?’ ‘Her,’ Scully corrected on a small smile. ‘I tell her that we write to each other. I told her about New York.’ ‘But not everything,’ Stella said and Dana blinked to avoid the heavy eye contact Stella was making. She kept her eyes on Stella’s, though, and somehow the pressure changed from an uncomfortable weight into a welcome warmth that surrounded her heart. ‘No, not everything,’ Scully admitted. ‘What don’t you tell her?’ Stella asked quietly. ‘I don’t tell her about the kiss in Central Park,’ Dana said softly. ‘I told her we had sex but I didn’t tell her why, or how, or when. She tells me I need to communicate my feelings better. I told her she should meet you and then pass judgment on me.’ Stella chuckled. ‘Gee, thanks.’ Scully smiled, sinking a little lower in the tub, closing her eyes before relaxing fully back into the water. ‘I told her I think you saved me.’

Stella looked her over, studying the lines around her closed eyes, the way her lips tensed slightly when Stella didn’t reply, the way her neck slowly seemed to relax when she felt no resistance, only acceptance and gratitude in the way Stella’s fingers moved to caress her belly. They stayed like that, fingers slowly touching each other’s skin for what seemed like hours but was in reality only twenty minutes until Stella’s arm started to go numb. ‘I’m going to leave you to it,’ she said softly because she was unable to determine whether Dana was asleep or not by the way her chest had started to evenly rise and fall. ‘Hmm,’ Dana replied sleepily, ‘I thought you were going to keep me from drowning. I was just starting to fall asleep.’ ‘Then it’s time to get out and go to bed,’ Stella smiled, watching how Dana slowly woke up from her slumber. She stood, put her biggest towel on a stool nearby and pointed it out to Dana before moving to the bathroom door. ‘Need anything else?’ Dana shook her head lightly. ‘Just you when I get out.’ ‘I’ll be there,’ Stella promised and moved swiftly and gracefully through the door. Closing it again she leaned against it for a few seconds before smiling to herself and retreating into her bedroom to change. Her heart felt full and it remembered so much. It remembered how afraid it had been, but also how wonderfully full and warm it had felt around Dana. She also noted that somehow she was less scared this time, and made sure to note that in her journal before putting on some shorts and a fitted T-shirt to sleep in. She forewent the bra, because no one sleeps comfortably in a bra, and started rearranging her bed to make room for Dana if she wanted to join her. Smiling to herself she remembered how last night she’d made an effort to change the sheets and laughed about it later, thinking it stupid to expect Dana to jump into bed with her. That wasn’t the reason she was here – but it was nice to know that Dana had thought about it as well. She heard familiar sounds come from the bathroom as Dana apparently thought it time to end her bath and Stella quickly made her rounds downstairs, making sure to lock the door and turn off all the lights before slipping into bed on what she considered to be ‘her side’. Sadly she realized she had never shared this bed before – dalliances weren’t allowed in here and no one had ever been anything more – but she smiled anyway, because now she had Dana here to share this new memory with.

 

A few minutes later Stella was sitting against the headboard on her bed, scribbling away in her journal as Dana tentatively joined her in her room, wearing a matching silk pajama set with a strappy top. Stella smiled at how careful Dana entered the room – the one that held her suitcase, nonetheless – and held out a hand to her. ‘Come, close the door,’ she said softly, her voice deep with some emotion. ‘I wasn’t sure...’ ‘Don’t,’ Stella shook her head lightly, ‘You know where you want to sleep. You don’t have to explain it.’ Scully nodded and moved over to her and Stella noted how small she looked. ‘Did you lose weight?’ she asked, not angrily, but definitely worried. ‘I don’t know,’ Scully shrugged, ‘I’ve been working a lot.’ ‘I might have to introduce you to a few of our less healthier dishes while you’re here,’ Stella pondered aloud, ‘Because you’re already pretty shit at keeping me warm at night.’ ‘I seem to remember that differently, and I’ve heard no complaints from you in that department,’ Scully countered and smiled cheekily at her. ‘Anyway, you’re not one to talk. They both chuckled and shrugged and that was that, Scully joined Stella on the bed and leaned in to kiss her softly before getting comfortable under the thick, fresh covers. ‘Hmm, smells nice,’ Scully commented and Stella looked down at her across her journal. She quietly regarded how Scully curled into the bed, reminding her of a cat somehow and quietly inviting her to join her. Stella snapped her journal closed, put it down on the bedside table and turned off the light softly shaking her head to loosen her locks from their set position. She raised the blanket and scooted down to lie on her side next to Dana, looking down on her and admiring the way she seemed to already have made Stella’s bed her home. ‘You can’t just kiss me like that and go to sleep,’ Stella pouted and Scully smiled up at her. ‘I wasn’t planning on it,’ she said and reached up to pull Stella closer. Their lips touched softly at first before Stella took control and took Scully’s lower lip fully between hers. Softly she pushed her tongue against Dana’s lips, impatiently but softly asking for entrance but also asking for control and Dana gave it, willingly, openly as their lips reconnected to everything they had known before. It was a journey of the soul more so than anything else as their minds travelled back in time together to one of many nights they had shared. Their lips remembered each kiss as their hands remembered each touch and Scully’s came to life as they reached for Stella, pulling her down fully onto her body. Stella felt the cool fabric of Scully’s pajamas through her cotton tee and smiled into the kiss as she fully realized how much she had missed this. ‘You smell good too,’ she whispered in between kisses and maneuvered her legs to straddle Dana’s. ‘Is this okay?’ she managed to ask in between kisses, because even though she didn’t want to lose any time away from Dana’s lips she also needed to reaffirm that this was what Dana had asked for. ‘Don’t fucking talk,’ Scully cursed quietly. Stella lifted up onto her hands a little to look into Dana’s eyes and she met two hazy, quiet and peaceful pools of mystery that told her everything she needed to know. ‘Come here,’ she said again, and even though she had no way of physically pulling Dana closer she felt as if their next kiss was so much deeper than before that she needed a moment to slow it down. She languidly dragged her tongue along Dana’s as her body melted into the redheads, finding its place into the curves of her stomach and shoulder just like her mouth fit perfectly together with Dana’s. Then it was Scully’s turn to break the kiss and meet Stella’s eyes reassuringly. ‘I’m one hundred percent okay with this,’ she said strongly as if she had read the lingering doubts in Stella’s mind that Stella herself hadn’t even identified. ‘I need you to accept the fact that I am here for you.’ Stella started to speak again but Dana leaned up and captured her lips, effectively silencing anything she was going to say.

Little did she know that Stella had been on the verge of a declaration that could have changed their lives.

 

However the words were swallowed by Dana’s passion, returned to Stella by another passionate and breathtaking kiss as Stella’s lips fought with Dana’s for dominance in a dance that was about a lot more than sex. It was about two women who, for some unknown reason and by some unidentifiable force had been brought together only to be destined to be apart. Fuck destiny, Stella thought. She is mine.


	6. Chapter 6

(6)

Dec. 31, 11:45 PM.

Two candles were the only sources of light in the cozy British living room as Stella and Scully sat together on Stella’s couch, surrounded by cushions and a blanket from Stella’s bed. Stella had her feet up on the table as Dana was settled in to her side, one arm holding the blanket across Stella’s body in an excuse to hug her close as her other hand was caught in Stella’s between their bodies.

‘Don’t you wish you were with your friends right now?’ Scully asked quietly as they watched some music program on Stella’s TV.

 

It was New Year’s Eve and the past few days had been some of the best of both their lives. They’d seen all of London together and Stella had taken Dana to Brighton yesterday, walking the pebbled coastline that she knew to be home. It had been freezing, but amazing, and she’d never felt their connection stronger than she had then. They’d held hands again, like they used to, and later Stella had found it hard to let go as they had gotten in a taxi back home.

 

‘Everyone I care about is in this room right now,’ Stella said quietly and even though it was meant as a simple statement it sounded sad even to her own ears. ‘I didn’t mean for that to sound pitiful,’ she added and Scully smiled in acknowledgement. ‘I know.’ ‘What about you?’ Stella genuinely wondered how Dana felt about spending New Year’s with her. ‘What about me?’ Dana inquired. ‘What do you miss about being home?’ ‘You mean in the States?’ Scully questioned Stella’s question. Stella nodded with a small smile at her true confusion. ‘Yeah,’ she said hoarsely. Scully pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow while she thought about Stella’s question – what did she miss about being with Mulder on this evening? She pondered her response for a minute before answering, because she was taken aback by the information her mind had decided to provide her with: She didn’t miss anything.

No, that’s not true. She missed one thing.

‘I do miss one thing about being here,’ she said calmly, seeking out Stella’s eyes for strength as she didn’t know where the decision on the topic really laid. ‘What is it?’ Stella asked, interested and confident it wasn’t something to do with her hosting skills. ‘It’s not something from home I miss,’ Scully said quietly. ‘It’s been so long since we’ve had sex.’

 

_Dec. 27, Stella’s bed._

_‘I’m one hundred percent okay with this,’ Scully said strongly as if she had read the lingering doubts in Stella’s mind that Stella herself hadn’t even identified. ‘I need you to accept the fact that I am here for you.’ Stella started to speak again but Dana leaned up and captured her lips, effectively silencing anything she was going to say._

_Their kiss felt never-ending, their bodies freely rediscovering each other and their responses to one another. As Stella felt Scully’s hand slowly start to move up under her shirt she sighed into her mouth and deepened their kiss once more. Scully softly touched Stella’s belly, fingers dancing over tender skin and moving up and up and up. Scully leaned back a little to look at Stella because she knew this was not supposed to happen, but she didn’t want to or know how to stop it. When Stella’s eyes met hers she momentarily paused her searching hand. ‘Should we do this?’ Scully asked softly. ‘That’s entirely up to you,’ Stella answered sweetly, her voice unsteady and her breathing heavy. ‘I don’t know,’ Scully answered honestly. ‘It feels right but somehow wrong as well.’ Stella smiled and grabbed Dana’s hand to bring it back up between them as she lay down next to Dana._

_Stella recognized the feeling. She wished she didn’t, but somehow she had wanted to stop Dana because she knew this would be a bad thing for them. The timing seemed off and the moment seemed wrong. She usually didn’t care, but this felt like a wrong choice. It wasn’t their time. They needed it to be their time because their equilibrium was so fragile, so thin that one wrong move could throw them off balance forever just as one right one could solidify whatever it was that still clearly lived between them. Stella also realized something that she’d known for a while now but that she’d been afraid to admit to herself and to the woman asking the hard questions: She was the vulnerable one. She was the one that Dana wanted to be careful with. The one that she wanted to wait for. Stella had so many fears in this one moment, this single second of hesitation that she struggled to find herself for a second before answering Dana who was looking up her, confusing Stella as much as Dana must be confusing herself._

_‘We have time,’ Stella said quietly, searching Scully’s eyes for a clear answer as to what she was feeling. She didn’t get any and had to settle for the tender feeling of Dana’s lips on hers as she pulled her close for a searing good night kiss. ‘I want you,’ Dana whispered into Stella’s mouth. ‘Don’t think I don’t. I just don’t want to start something we don’t know how to finish.’ Stella nodded into Dana’s cheek. ‘You’re the rational one,’ she said softly. ‘And of course you’re right. Just don’t go.’ Dana shuffled downwards a little to lie with her chin on Stella’s shoulder. Stella felt the hairs on her neck stand on end as Dana’s breath caressed them. ‘Good night,’ Scully whispered with a small voice. Stella cradled her close with her free hand and as they were still holding hands they both fell into a dreamless sleep._

_Dec. 28, 8 AM, Stella’s bed._

_Stella lay as still as possible trying to figure out if Dana was still asleep beside her. She was still there, next to Stella, facing outwards as her side gradually rose and fell with her breaths. Stella observed how Dana moved her head a little, sighed, how her shoulder twitched before it relaxed again and she just didn’t know. She didn’t have the heart to wake her, knowing it had been a long day of traveling yesterday and not wanting to disturb something as peaceful as the sight of Dana Scully asleep? In her bed._

_After several minutes Stella pushed herself up, careful not to move the mattress too much, and sat up against the headboard. She immediately felt the chill of the room on her skin but she was also filled with an inexplicable warmth. It had been a long time since she’d seen someone else sleep in her bed like this, and it had been even longer since that person had represented such feeling and importance to her. Looking over Dana’s form she decided that Dana was indeed asleep and she smiled to herself – She didn’t want to be alone in the waking world any longer. Slowly she moved off the bed on her side and walked around the bed to where Dana’s hand was hanging unconsciously over the edge of the mattress. She kneeled and softly took Dana’s hand, kissing it before holding it in between hers. She moved in to kiss Dana’s lips, awkwardly angling her head to reach them, her hair falling onto Dana’s cheeks. She chuckled at her own clumsiness, something she usually tried her best to hide, but Scully stirred underneath her and Stella just knew there would have to be no more hiding once she learned to be truthful to herself. It was a journey and she was well committed to it now, there was no turning back, just as there was no hiding from Dana’s eyes as she opened them lazily and frowned as she focused on Stella’s proximity. ‘Hey,’ she said hoarsely, sleep heavy on her voice. ‘Good morning,’ Stella answered, kissing Dana’s lips again._

_Scully turned onto her back and felt the weight of Stella’s body softly nudge her to the middle of the bed. She shifted a little, welcoming Stella next to her and kissing her a soft good morning. Stella’s hand stroked her cheek and Scully relaxed back into the pillow, focusing on the ceiling. She felt Stella’s hair on her cheek and reached to tuck it back behind her ears. Stella smiled at her and Scully kept her hand there, softly stroking Stella’s hair. The air between them was slowly changing, both of their bodies recognizing their mate and not caring about whatever boundaries they might have._

_‘I thought we said to wait,’ Scully whispered into Stella’s ear. ‘For what?’ Stella wondered aloud. ‘We all have physical and emotional desires. We know what we can do for each other.’ Scully nodded. ‘Yes, but I think we should talk about where we are and what we want the future to look like. I mean, I know I want more than casual sex and I think you do too.’ Stella nodded. ‘I don’t just want your body, Dana.’ ‘I know,’ Scully replied, ‘and that’s why I think we should wait.’ ‘Can I still kiss you?’ Stella stated and Scully smiled at how it was in no way a question she was supposed to answer as Stella took her lips softly between hers. ‘Just don’t tempt me to cross any borders,’ Scully answered quietly, ‘Because I’m not sure how long I can keep saying no if you keep this up.’ ‘You’re not saying no,’ Stella smiled into her lips before snuggling up next to her with her arms around Dana. ‘You’re saying not right now. There’s a difference.’ Scully nodded into Stella’s t-shirt, feeling the fabric soft and warm against her face. ‘Later,’ she said and closed her eyes again for another few blissful minutes._

_Stella released Dana and got up. ‘I’m making coffee,’ she stated as she threw a wink over her shoulder. As she left the room, still barefoot, she softly shook her head at herself. Never, never before had someone asked her to wait and had she accepted their judgment over her own._

Dec 31, Stella’s couch.

‘Yeah,’ Stella nodded. ‘I’ve missed that too.’ ‘Should we do something about it?’ Scully asked, slightly teasing but also serious and afraid. ‘I’m not sure,’ Stella answered honestly. ‘I’m not sure what it will mean past today.’ ‘What do you want it to mean?’ Dana asked. Stella frowned a little. ‘Can we not do this right now? It’s literally ten minutes to midnight.’ Dana shrugged next to her. ‘You started it, and it’s a good question.’ ‘You were the one asking me if I missed anyone, Dana,’ Stella corrected her. ‘I honestly don’t, by the way. I’m incredibly grateful that you are here and that’s beyond enough for me. You’re all the company I need.’ Scully smiled even though she was a little annoyed by Stella’s way of avoiding the important questions. ‘I’m going to let you off the hook for now,’ Scully said seriously, ‘but just know that next year I’m going to want an answer. Whatever the answer is.’ Stella nodded. ‘I know, and I’ll give you one.’ She squeezed Dana’s hand softly letting her know that she was still there and Dana readjusted her head against Stella’s arm and Stella felt her heart ache at the unexpectedly soft gesture.

 

Stella thought back to the times she’d discussed her relationship with Dana with her therapist. She’d tried to be honest about it, and she’d succeeded fairly well – but she’d never told her about how different it really felt. She’d told her therapist about how difficult she found it to stay in control with Dana, and they’d gotten into a completely side-tracked conversation on power and control and they hadn’t spoken about it until her most recent session. She’d received a note with a referral, if she should think she needed it, to a sex therapist that had started taking new patients. She came highly accredited but still Stella felt pessimistic about going. It wasn’t in the area, and it wasn’t something she was comfortable with, so Stella had found multiple reasons not to go – but maybe she should. Maybe next year she should go and talk to someone specialized in sex. Of course that would mean digging into a whole new world of repressed memories and emotions but even though Stella wasn’t looking forward to it she had known it was coming for a while now.

 

‘Almost time,’ Dana said quietly, unsure if Stella had dozed off next to her or if she was still awake and watching the TV. On the screen people started cheering and a countdown from thirty started. Stella sat up, carefully disentangling herself from Dana and from the blanket and turned sideways towards Dana who had shifted into the back of the couch where Stella’s warmth lingered. ‘Ten, nine….’ Scully started the final countdown with the voices on the TV. Stella smiled, looking at her, not even remotely interested in the time or the music or anything else around her except for Dana Scully and her smooth American accent counting down the final seconds of the year. ‘Three, two, one…’ Dana finished counting and sat up, and as cheers and fireworks erupted on the TV behind them she took Stella’s face in her hands and kissed her into the New Year. It was a soft kiss, their lips barely touching at first, until Scully leaned in closer and captured Stella’s full top lip with hers. Stella responded, her hands in Dana’s soft hair, carefully pulling on it to keep her close. ‘Happy New Year,’ Stella said softly, dangerously close to Dana’s lips. ‘Happy New Year, Stella,’ Dana replied. They smiled and their lips touched each other on their own volition, craving closeness, and Stella’s hands started a downwards path to Dana’s shoulders, clavicle, and finally down to her sides. Scully tried to focus on the path Stella’s hands were taking and she felt a little jab of disappointment in her side when Stella’s hands diverted from their path towards her breasts and took the side roads along her ribs instead. She knew they had to talk about it – she knew they both wanted it but it was just something they were so unfamiliar with that it seemed almost too sacred to touch upon. ‘Come here,’ Stella said as Dana broke the kiss, deeply lost in thought. ‘I’m here,’ Dana refocused and proved her point by taking Stella’s lips fiercely with hers again.

 

‘That was the best New Year I’ve had in a long time,’ Scully said as they sighed and sunk back into the couch, watching the fireworks on TV. ‘Me too, maybe the best one in my life,’ Stella admitted. ‘We really do need to talk about it,’ Scully said softly, testing the waters. Stella nodded, immediately tuning in to where this conversation was going. ‘I know,’ she said. ‘Actually, I was wondering if I could ask you something.’  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you follow me on Twitter and/or you've watched Sex Education on Netflix you can probably guess where this is going. If you'd like to leave me 'descriptive words, please' as to what you think Jean Milburn would be like, please feel free - I'm afraid to do her injustice. Thank you for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

(7)

‘Yeah, of course,’ Scully replied seriously, letting her hands settle on Stella’s legs. ‘What is it?’ Stella straightened up a little and cleared her throat. ‘So… My psychologist advised me to see a sex therapist. I didn’t think it was necessary, in fact I thought it was outright ridiculous and insulting. However I’m coming to see the possible value in it for us. I think it might really help us.’ ‘We don’t have any issues in that area,’ Scully frowned. ‘No, but we both have other problems that are starting to carry into our sex life.’ ‘Stella…’ Scully said, interrupting Stella’s train of thought. ‘There’s nothing wrong with us,’ Scully reiterated. ‘We’re in a difficult situation, that’s all.’ Stella nodded. ‘Okay, I was just interested to get your opinion on it,’ she said, smiling. ‘Let me get the champagne.’ Stella stood and Scully’s eyes followed her around the house and into the kitchen where a bottle of champagne had been waiting to be opened. Carefully but expertly Stella popped the cork, throwing a naughty smirk at Scully across the room as the loud pop shook up the silence around them. She poured two glasses and Scully joined her in the kitchen, hopping onto the counter to sit next to where Stella was pouring. ‘Here you go,’ Stella handed Scully a glass. ‘Thanks,’ Scully smiled at her. ‘To the new year. May it bring to you everything you want and more.’ ‘To us,’ Stella added, unafraid and full of confidence. ‘May we find what we’re looking for and may it be in each other that we find peace.’ ‘That’s beautiful,’ Scully commented and softly touched her glass to Stella’s. ‘Cheers.’

They both sipped their glass and Stella perched herself on the stool next to where Dana was sat. Stella draped her arm over Scully’s thigh and sighed deeply, thinking about everything that was to come.

They spent about an hour quietly sipping their drinks, refilling their glasses and talking about their hopes for the future. Soon the bottle was empty and their hearts were full as Stella stood between Scully’s legs and hugged her close. ‘These are the moments that count,’ Scully whispered into Stella’s hair. ‘I’d like to do this forever.’ Stella nodded into Scully’s soft chest. ‘You’re right and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.’ Scully chuckled. ‘Yes, sir.’

 

That night they came close again. Stella had decided to get into bed naked while Scully was still in the shower, and as she waited for her, she questioned her motives and her sanity. But when Dana slid into bed next to her dressed in a T-shirt and panties she smiled and pressed her body close, craving the intimacy of a warm female entity next to her. Scully understood, somehow, and didn’t question anything about Stella’s state of undress but simply accepted it and curled her arms around Stella’s back. The deep sigh that came from within Dana breathed acceptance and comfort and it taught Stella something. It taught her, in that instant, that Dana was right. She had relied on sex so much that it was hard to have a relationship where sex wasn’t the most important thing, but truly, that’s what this had been from the beginning. It had been about them first, about their connection, the way their minds fit together perfectly and the incredible understanding they seemed to possess for one another. Everything else had come later and would always be important but somehow secondary to them. Their relationship went beyond the physical and Stella had taught herself to deny that kind of intimacy, therefore her mind was second guessing every decision she made. However Dana knew about this. She had had a semi-platonic relationship with a man for seven years before finally consuming the relationship, so why didn’t she trust Dana to lead her? Control issues, her psychology-infested mind told her. You have control issues.

 

The next day, on the first day of a brand new year Stella sent out an email to the sex therapist to book an appointment.

 

Scully was set to leave the day after, but they weren’t sad about it – in fact everything felt like a beginning. They went to Hyde Park for a stroll in the afternoon and Scully surprised Stella by openly grabbing her hand and holding it for the rest of the way. Stella got them coffee at a food truck and it reminded Scully so much of their first day together that a few minutes later she took the hot coffee cup from Stella and kissed her tentatively, in broad daylight, in the middle of a snowy white Hyde Park. It felt like a fairytale and it probably looked like one to people passing by – two women who were clearly in love, holding hands, kissing openly in the snow on the first day of the New Year. However beneath the surface there was a lot more going on. Scully still had a lot to say, and Stella still had a lot to do and neither was really looking forward to it. Still, among the icy paths of London walked two women who were happy. Their spirits had been looking for one another for a long time, and especially during the last year that they’d spent knowing each other, but apart, they’d truly come to understand the intricacies of their feelings. Stella had come to terms with the fact that she loved Dana Scully and Dana had accepted that even though she would always love Fox Mulder that maybe it was time to let him go. Every time that thought entered her brain it hurt, but truthfully, being with him was hurting her as well. So as she squeezed Stella’s hand and pulled her in a different direction she couldn’t help but feel the significance of the moment – They were starting on a new path, one neither of them had walked before, but they were doing it together.

 

Later that day Stella took Scully to her favorite restaurant. Scully watched how Stella talked to the owner, and she smiled when Stella stood up straighter and walked away without a second glance at the guy when he put his hand on her arm. Another past conquest, Scully surmised, but obviously not one Stella cared to revisit. ‘Come on,’ Stella guided Dana to their table and took the menus from a friendly waiter. ‘Do you know him?’ Scully asked with a smirk. ‘Oh come on, don’t act like you don’t know,’ Stella smiled at her. ‘Yes, we’ve met.’ The slow blink Stella gave her challenged her to ask more but Scully resisted and just nodded before turning her attention to the menu. ‘So, what’s good?’ ‘Everything,’ Stella said with such purpose that Scully’s eyes shot to her face. She found Stella focused on her, watching her intently and not backing down as their eyes met and a tangible spark set off between them. ‘Everything is good,’ Stella repeated.

Scully later found out that the owner was a former classmate of Stella’s and that their relationship had ended before University had. She also found out she liked goat’s cheese a lot more than she remembered and she learned to trust Stella’s choice of food even more. ‘That was so good,’ she leaned back and sighed deeply as the waiter took their plates away. ‘Dessert?’ Stella asked innocently. ‘Obviously,’ Scully answered with a smile and sat back up to take the menu away from Stella who was already eyeing the chocolate and ice cream choices on the dessert page. ‘You know this by heart, give it to me,’ she demanded quietly and Stella cocked an eyebrow at her. ‘Bossy.’ ‘I’m leaving soon so I’m taking full advantage of you while I still can,’ Scully smiled and Stella nodded. ‘Make sure you do.’

They ate their dark chocolate dessert slowly, having decided to share one instead of having one each, savoring every bite and never wanting it to end. Neither of them felt the need to rush and they were both content to just take their time. Slowly, however, Dana had started to realize that there was no way that she could leave London and not have felt Stella’s body underneath hers at least once, and she was aware that time was running out. She’d fly out tomorrow afternoon and even though time was ticking slowly, it was still inevitably ticking away again, pulling them closer and closer to their second goodbye. Stella’s proximity wasn’t helping and even though Scully knew she wasn’t being overly sexy Stella still exuded such comfort and carelessness that she felt herself being affected by every bite Stella took off their plate. At some point during her stay in London they had both set boundaries, and they had both challenged those boundaries, but tonight she wouldn’t let Stella give no for an answer. DSI Gibson was used to being in charge, but tonight Dana decided she wouldn’t be.

 

They walked home in silence. It was an amicable silence, one shared by friends and lovers and everything in between – and they were there, somewhere on the spectrum. As Stella opened the front door of her house for Dana she wondered if it was the last time. As Dana walked past she stopped and softly pushed Stella against the doorframe. Before her lips landed on Stella’s she whispered in her ear. ‘I still love you, Stella Gibson.’ As she kissed Stella she felt Stella’s cheeks warm up from the inside as a rush of love and desire traveled from Stella’s heart. ‘I know,’ she replied in between Dana’s kisses. ‘How could I forget.’ ‘You’re not supposed to,’ Scully replied with a small smile and she let her go to walk into the house. Stella followed, closing the door before hanging up her coat and kicking off her shoes leaving her barefoot on the wooden floor. Scully stood on the stair’s bottom step and leaned back against the wall. ‘Come on,’ she indicated upstairs before she lost her confidence. Scully walked upstairs slowly, trying to listen if she heard Stella behind her but too afraid to look back to see if she was really there. She made her way into the bedroom before she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end as her body detected Stella’s. Quiet footfalls of a woman padding across the carpeted floor towards her found their way to Scully’s senses as Stella swiftly approached. ‘I thought we agreed,’ Stella started, but as Scully turned around she forgot what she was going to say. ‘You’re right, fuck the agreement,’ Stella whispered as she caught Scully who practically rushed into her. It was a hug at first, the need for their bodies to be as close as possible, but it quickly turned into more as Stella’s nails raked a path down Dana’s back. Scully pulled Stella’s blouse from her skirt and tore it over her head, throwing it to the side. Her eyes darted from Stella’s to the halo of blonde hair surrounding her face and back to her eyes as Scully tried to figure out where to focus.

‘Take it off,’ she commanded Stella to remove her skirt and Stella complied quietly, knowing exactly where Dana’s need to control came from. She had often felt it herself. When everything else seemed fragile, sometimes to control another body meant to control one’s own. It wasn’t a solution, but it was an answer, and Stella knew they both desperately needed answers right now. So she pulled her skirt down, leaving her in her underwear and nothing else but her heart on her sleeve. She felt naked but unafraid and with a smile she dropped her hands to her side. ‘What now, Dana?’ Scully laid her hands on Stella’s side and turned them around to softly push Stella into her bed. Stella crawled backwards towards the headboard and leaned back a little, one leg straight, the other bent with her foot flat on the bed waiting for Dana. Scully raised an eyebrow before pulling her own shirt over her head and taking off her pants before joining Stella. Stella watched through hooded eyes as Scully confidently crawled on top of her, pushing her down with her body, trapping her without being overpowering. ‘You’re good at this,’ Stella whispered at Dana and Scully smiled, biting her bottom lip between her teeth. ‘Full of surprises, right?’ Stella nodded before surrendering to the tease of Scully’s lips that were dangerously close to her jawline, dropping her head back onto the pillows. ‘And God please don’t ever change.’ ‘Never,’ Scully whispered before softly sinking her teeth into the skin on Stella’s jaw. Her lips followed, wet and smooth and demanding and Stella brought both her hands to Scully’s shoulder blades, holding her close, pulling her in. Scully kissed a wet path up to Stella’s mouth and captured it masterfully, demanding entrance with her tongue as it fought Stella’s for control. Stella hadn’t intended on giving in so easily but she found she had no choice as she found Dana utterly overpowering and enchanting, and even though she had feared a loss of control she now reveled in it. One of her hands started down Dana’s back before Dana took her wrist in one hand and pinned it down on the mattress next to them, locking their fingers together while trapping Stella and leaving her defenseless against her sweet assault. Scully kissed down Stella’s chin, tracing a wet line down her slender neck and all the way along her sternum to swerve to the left and capture a bra-clad nipple between her lips. Stella moaned deeply and Scully used her free hand to push the cup down and free Stella’s breast to her lips. Stella pushed herself up and Dana reached behind her swiftly undoing the clasp of Stella’s bra, pushing it off to the right where their hands where still locked. Scully’s lips found Stella’s hard nipple again and she pushed her nose into Stella’s skin, remembering the scent of freshly cut apple leaves and a hint of cinnamon that formed something she only knew to be Stella’s. A loud moan filled the otherwise quiet room as Scully swirled her tongue around Stella’s breast. ‘Shh,’ Scully smiled into Stella’s skin, ‘The neighbors are going to hear you.’ ‘Let them,’ Stella managed, and she shot an arched eyebrow down to where Scully was looking up at her.

They hadn’t talked about this. They hadn’t necessarily decided that now was the time. Still, there was an undeniable truth hidden in the ease with which Scully’s hand found Stella’s panties. When she pushed past that small, lacey but incredibly important barrier she locked eyes with Stella, quietly not asking for permission, but asking for surrender and Stella gave it willingly as if the decision had never been hers in the first place. ‘Go on,’ she encouraged quietly and another breathy moan left her mouth as Scully intently travelled lower. Dana let go of Stella’s hand and moved to the side for a moment to tear Stella’s underwear down her legs and toss it away before returning to her position above Stella. Stella clung onto Scully’s neck as she pulled her in for a kiss when Scully’s fingers finally searched out Stella’s clit again. Scully remembered every move that Stella liked, every bit of pressure and rhythm that had ever worked on Stella came back to her and she started a steady rhythm that caused Stella’s hips to buckle and push against her hand. ‘God, Dana, yes,’ Stella moaned into her mouth and Scully silenced her with her lips before sitting up. She continued her assault on Stella’s pussy but Stella opened her eyes as Dana’s body moved out of reach, her hips against her upper leg the only part she could now reach. ‘Shh,’ Scully quieted her before she got a word out, and Stella watched how Scully moved her free hand to Stella’s lips, offering her two fingers. Stella’s bright blue eyes darkened as she took Dana’s fingers into her mouth, her tongue caressing the underside of Dana’s two digits as she got them wet and ready. The light suction Stella applied made Dana hot and tingly with desire but she had already decided that this was Stella’s, so she slowly pulled away her fingers and smiled as Stella released them with a pop and a cheeky smile. Scully increased the pressure on Stella’s clit as she moved a bit lower, pushing Stella up against the headboard with her body so she could still watch her and work her magic at the same time. Stella’s hands came to Scully’s hair and brought her lips to her breasts as Scully’s fingers carefully but intently tested Stella’s wetness. Stella moaned as Scully pushed her fingers inside and started a slow rhythm bound to drive Stella insane. ‘More, please,’ Stella demanded and Scully released her nipple from her mouth. ‘I’m sorry, what?’ she asked in a slightly forceful tone and Stella whimpered. ‘Please,’ she lowered her voice into something that was barely a plea. ‘Please, more.’ Scully smiled and returned her attention to marking Stella’s skin and coaxing the lowest whimper out of her with her lips as her fingers continued their assault on Stella’s insides. A thud against the wall signaled the point where Stella officially stopped trying to focus and started to surrender completely as she sighed heavily and pushed Dana’s head closer into her skin, feeling her wet mouth against her breast. Dana’s fingers sped up inside of her, creating pressure and pleasure beyond Stella’s recent imagination and quickly brought her up and up a hill with only one inevitable end. Scully felt Stella’s walls grab her and become tighter and tighter as Stella’s legs curled around her body to push her closer. She used one hand to push Stella’s upper leg to the bed, continuing her massage of Stella’s inner walls as her other hand spread her leg for better access. ‘Keep it there,’ Scully warned sweetly and Stella barely nodded as she was struggling to keep her eyes open. ‘I want you to come for me,’ Scully demanded bravely and Stella’s eyes rolled back as her eyelids became too heavy and slowly dropped shut. ‘Keep going, keep going,’ Stella whimpered and Scully complied, of course, carefully but surely adding another finger. ‘Oh God,’ Stella moaned and Scully felt her finally give in. The pressure rose within Stella to release on a breathy moan, one in which the four letters of Dana’s name were hidden somewhere only for Dana to be heard as Stella’s climax caused her inner walls to contract violently around Scully’s fingers. ‘Yes, Dana, yes,’ Stella breathed as her body fought to keep Dana as close as possible to prolong her pleasure for as long as it could. Dana released Stella’s breast and let her lips travel down to her ribs and place wet kisses there before slowly bringing Stella down. Carefully she pumped Stella a few more times before removing her fingers and offering them to Stella again, who readily took them into her mouth on a deep sigh before pulling Dana up into her arms. She hesitated for a second but Scully kissed her deeply, tasting her essence and everything seemed so right that a smile appeared on her lips. Stella leaned back a little, still breathing heavily, and frowned at Scully’s apparent amusement. ‘What’s funny?’ she sighed. ‘I forgot how much I missed this,’ Scully admitted on a chuckle. Stella smiled with her. ‘Me, too.’

Scully threw a leg over Stella’s side and Stella maneuvered her arm underneath Dana’s body as she slowly cooled down from her climax.  Stella kissed Dana’s cheek before uncharacteristically snuggling into the curve of Scully’s neck. ‘Sleep,’ Scully said as she softly stroked her side. ‘But it’s early,’ Stella commented, her eyes already closing. ‘I’ll wake you later,’ Scully promised, and Stella hummed her approval as her body slowly sank into a more peaceful place.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be the last chapter for now (it might not be, I really don't know). I will not stop writing this pairing in this universe, I do promise you that.   
> Thank you for reading!

(8)

Stella’s dreams that evening brought her no images of murder, death and decay but only of life, love and happiness as her mind settled on the fact that Dana Scully was the source of everything. She felt happy, and even though they had to separate tomorrow she didn’t feel sad or wary. As she slowly started to wake up a few hours later she consciously tried to hold on to that feeling to share it with Dana, but she found Dana already hard at work trying to prove her point. Her lips were seemingly everywhere, on her shoulder, her neck, her ears and finally her chin, jawline and cheek to end up close to the corner of her mouth. Stella smiled as she awoke fully and returned the sweet gesture with a tiny kiss before pushing herself up into a sitting position. She pulled Dana with her and found her naked as well. ‘Stop, Dana,’ she giggled and Dana pulled back with a smile on her face, never having heard Stella Gibson giggle so early in the morning before. She kissed her lips one last time before pulling on her T-shirt again and searching for her robe amongst Stella’s things. It had been left somewhere on the chair beside Stella’s bed two days ago and Scully quickly found it. ‘I have to sort this all out tomorrow,’ she said more to herself than to Stella and Stella nodded. ‘I told you not to make a mess out of it in the first place,’ Stella commented. Dana pursed her lips. ‘I was hoping you’d help me clean it up.’ Stella raised an eyebrow at her. ‘I don’t think so.’ She got up and pulled on her own robe before turning towards Dana. ‘I’m making tea, would you like some?’ Scully nodded. ‘I’ll be down in a second. ‘I was hoping you’d join me in the bath,’ Stella smiled. Scully raised an eyebrow. ‘So I guess the ‘no sex’ deal is out the window?’ Stella looked at her feigning surprise. ‘Not my fault. Anyway, I’ve decided to book an appointment with that therapist, so a little practice won’t hurt.’ She turned away with raised chin and moved out of Scully’s sight, leaving her slightly confused, amused and aroused as well. Her memories of bathing with Stella were all amazing so she didn’t mind adding another one to that collection. Quickly she grabbed her clothes from Stella’s bed and threw them in the direction of her suitcase, knowing that tomorrow she’d have time to sort everything out properly. She heard Stella rummage around in the kitchen and it sounded homely and familiar. ‘Tea?’ Stella called upstairs to confirm. ‘Sure,’ Scully called back and moved into the hallway. ‘I’m going to run that bath,’ she said and Stella appeared in the hallway below. ‘Only if you’re interested,’ she said, seeming genuinely concerned. Scully just chuckled and wandered out of sight.

 

Stella looked at her laptop while the water was boiling and she saw a reply from Jean Milburn, sex and relationship therapist. She asked for some background on her sexual life, a description of the problem or issue she wanted to discuss and when she’d be interested in stopping by. Stella shook her head lightly, still unable to believe that she was actually considering this. ‘What the hell am I doing,’ she said to herself in no particular tone. It was something new, it might actually help, but still it felt like a very vulnerable thing to do – to talk in depth in an analytical way about her sex life with someone who wasn’t one of her close friends was something she had never done. She knew there would be no judgment and that she might actually learn something and those were the only reasons why she was willing to even consider it.

Stella took two cups and made tea, thinking of what Dana must be up to upstairs. It seemed like a strange combination, tea and a bath, but it was something Stella had thought through quite well in the seconds she’d been awake – Tea was her favorite thing after coffee and wine and a bath was the thing she most loved to share with Dana. She put the cups on a tray and moved upstairs, shaking her head lightly at the disarray of her hallway and house in general.

 

In the bathroom Dana Scully took a moment to look at herself in Stella’s mirror before running a bath. She found a shower bar that smelled like ginger and apples and she poured in some fancy smelling oil as well. She quickly gathered some of her stuff that had made its way into Stella’s bathroom and smiled at the familiarity of it before discarding them to the same fate as her clothes. She found a robe and some underwear to wear after their bath and put some down for Stella as well before finding two towels and putting them on the chair next to the bath. There was an intimacy to looking in Stella’s drawers that was unfamiliar yet felt good and normal.  She thought back to their last intimate moment in Stella’s bathroom when they had showered together. That was a few days ago, her second full day here, back when Stella and her had their quiet agreement not to make love. They had come close that time, so close after having had an emotional conversation about Mulder and Scully’s relationship. Scully remembered how she had come close to telling Stella that she was ready for a change, one that included Stella in her future if she was ever going to be up for it, but she’d gotten scared and had decided not to share her thoughts. Stella had, of course, picked up on her mood and Scully had tried, tried to explain but she’d ended up crying and they had just stood there, under the hot current, for a good while as Scully’s tears soaked into Stella’s shoulders and her entire body silently shook with every scared shiver that ran through it. They’d gone to bed afterwards, holding each other, Stella telling Scully a story about a woman who had felt chained down by a relationship but whose life had changed the day she’d said goodbye to that man, the man she’d thought to be the love of her life. Dana had sobbed, telling Stella through tears that Mulder was different, that their connection was unique and that he truly wasn’t a bad person and Stella had believed her but it still the story had stuck with Dana. Of course their situation was one of a kind and there was really no way to explain it to Stella, but there were still similarities Dana found profoundly true – He ruled her life. Every decision she made was based on him, where it should be based on her. Yes, they lived apart – but he was still very much a part of her daily routine and in a way she never wanted that to change, but Scully knew it needed to and she knew she’d be ready to take that final step once they got to that point. She just wished she was strong enough to tell Stella.

 

As Scully pondered the depths of her mind she heard Stella approach behind her. Scully turned to see her in the doorway, holding a tray with two steaming mugs of tea. Stella indicated her head for Dana to move to the side a little and she brushed past her into the bathroom, putting the tray on another chair that Dana pulled from the hallway to stand next to the bath. Stella closed the door and looked at the room, satisfied with what she saw. The bath was filling up nicely and it smelled heavenly of things she didn’t remember she owned. Stella reached for Scully’s arm, pulling her closer and starting to undress her gently. Scully let her and watched her face closely as she felt Stella’s soft touch care for her. Soon they were both naked and Stella took Dana’s hand to support her as she stepped into the tub. Stella sensed Dana’s hesitation and stepped in behind her, motioning for her to sit between her legs. It was a place that Dana knew well, having spent some time there both in the bath and fully dressed and she quickly found her spot again, splashes surrounding them as they sunk into the warm water. Stella’s lips quickly found Dana’s pulse point on her neck and Dana directed Stella’s hands to her breasts, feeling the skin of her nipples cold against Stella’s warm hands. Stella softly raked her fingertips and tops of her nails across Dana’s skin, feeling her firm breasts heave under her breath. Scully dropped her hands to Stella’s legs, settling her head against Stella’s collarbone in the crook that had become one of her favorite places to be. They sat together for a while, feeling the tub fill up and warm them as slowly their heartbeats slowed to recapture them in that cocoon that was their relationship for a while. However they were in London now, in Stella’s home, and that made it a lot more real – as had the last few months of communication. Stella sighed as she remembered what they’d been through and how they had finally ended up here. ‘What is it?’ Scully asked, stroking her hand down Stella’s thigh to her knee. Stella let one of her hands drift to Scully’s stomach before responding. ‘Nothing, really,’ she said softly, letting her hand wander lower and lower until it met with Dana’s lower lips as Dana angled her hips upwards into Stella’s palm. ‘Nothing important.’ Scully breathed deeply as she felt Stella’s fingers search for her essence, tracing her lips and dipping between them to find her opening. ‘Put your arm across your stomach for me,’ Stella instructed and Dana complied, letting Stella grab her wrist from under her arm. Stella held her close with one hand as her other hand slowly searched for Dana’s desire, circling her clit and dipping down to tease her. ‘Yes,’ Scully breathed, her eyes falling shut. Stella buried her nose in Scully’s hair and nuzzled it to the side so she could catch Dana’s earlobe between her teeth. ‘Tell me,’ she whispered. ‘I missed you,’ Scully just managed. ‘I missed this so much.’ Stella nodded and let her lips and teeth follow an invisible path down Scully’s jaw and cheek and finally to her lips. Scully moaned into Stella’s warm mouth as Stella’s fingers entered her under water. It was slightly uncomfortable and Stella noticed the tiny shift of Scully’s hips, so she withdrew and focused on Scully’s clit instead. Damn bath, she thought as she slowly spread Dana’s wetness and felt it dissolve under her fingers. Scully moaned again, lifting her leg up over the side of the tub to give Stella better access. Stella reached down and circled Scully’s clit in a rhythm she knew would drive Dana insane. She kept the pressure on, repeating the motion while making sure she held Dana close to her chest. Pushing her breasts up against Dana’s back she kissed her deeply and fully, trying to kiss her feelings into words that Dana could understand but failing miserably. She felt Dana start to squirm as her pussy got wetter and Stella slowly entered her again. ‘Yes,’ Scully repeated against Stella’s lips, taking Stella’s bottom lip between her teeth for a moment before kissing her again. ‘Yes, more please,’ she pleaded as Stella added another finger and started slowly pumping in and out, creating waves all around them. Scully felt her arousal build as she opened her eyes to watch Stella, who was looking at her through hooded eyes. Stella didn’t back down but kept her eyes on Scully’s, and slowly Scully lost herself in the deep blue ocean that seemed to hold the calmest storm she’d ever experienced. In a sense she felt the same as slowly a tingling sensation started to curl her toes and travel up her body. Scully pressed deeper into Stella’s touch, encouraging her. ‘Deeper,’ she whispered, slightly ashamed, but as Stella responded with force she knew there was no shame to be had. Never be afraid to ask for what you need, she remembered Stella saying, and it gave her so much strength that she nearly lost herself in it. Stella’s arm around her squeezed her closer as Stella anchored them both with one foot against the far side of the tub, gaining leverage on her movement as well as pressing Dana’s skin closer into hers. ‘You feel so good,’ Dana whispered, slowly feeling her vision starting to blur. ‘Look at me,’ Stella demanded quietly but forcefully and Dana struggled to reopen her eyes and find Stella’s looking back at her. Stella’s fingers on her pussy alternating between circling her clit and dipping deeply inside drove Scully crazy with desire but she needed more. She reached down, directing Stella’s fingers towards her opening as she circled her clit herself, witnessing a small smile play around Stella’s lips as she took control. ‘You’re incredible,’ Stella whispered to her, barely audible through a combination of pouring down water and hoarse desire. ‘You make me,’ Scully answered without thinking and she smiled at the rightness of it.

Soon Stella’s touch became demanding as she angled her fingers inside of Dana, putting pressure on exactly the right spot and forcing her to feel everything she had been denying herself. ‘Oh God,’ Scully moaned deeply, closing her eyes as a wave of heat flooded her entire system. She pushed her head into Stella’s shoulder, arching her breasts up but finding herself restricted by Stella’s arm. It aroused her beyond words to feel Stella so strongly around her and she pushed harder, finding her limit, testing the boundaries. ‘Stay close,’ Stella whispered into her ear and that was the most grounding of all – Stella’s voice calling to her to be with her. ‘Yes,’ she answered and opened her eyes again, feeling her orgasm close to the surface and wanting Stella to see it as well. Stella saw the trembling of Dana’s upper lip and kissed it quickly, not wanting to spend too much time away from her eyes before settling back into watching Dana again. ‘I’m so close,’ Dana whispered and Stella nodded. She changed her angle slightly and added a third finger, stretching Dana’s body in the hot gingery water. Scully moaned deeply and dug her fingers into the skin of her stomach as she felt her climax wash over her. Higher and higher she flew, pushed on by Stella’s fingers touching her just right until there was nowhere left to fall but into Stella’s welcoming eyes. ‘Oh fuck yes,’ Scully exclaimed profoundly before losing her grip on reality and life and everything around her went blue and white with desire. Stella stayed with her every step of the way, feeling every pulse and clenching of Scully’s body and translating it effortlessly into everything she ever needed to know.

 

Their tea was lukewarm by the time they got to it.

 

Stella handed Scully the cup and watched as Scully drank it all and put the cup back on the tray. Stella did the same and kissed Dana softly, pulling her close against her body as they ended up side by side with one of Dana’s legs thrown over Stella’s, safely entangled in each other’s arms.

 ‘I fuck them,’ Stella whispered out of the blue into Scully’s skin, ‘but I make love to you.’ Scully opened her eyes to look up into Stella’s and found nothing but truth in them. She sighed, nodded and closed her eyes again. They stayed like that until the cooling water threatened to freeze over the warmth in their hearts and made them finally get up and out of the bath. They dried off together, rubbing the droplets off themselves and each other as they weren’t quite sure if they cared where their bodies began or ended.

 

Hand in hand they made their way back to the bed and Stella bit her lip as her heart overflowed with everything she felt for Dana, who settled into the curve of her body as if she had never been elsewhere.

 

‘You know that story about woman I told you a few days ago?’ Stella asked softly. Scully nodded, sighing deeply and waiting for Stella’s response. It came in the form of a kiss in her hair and a confession that she’d thought she’d never get to hear in her lifetime. ‘That story was about me,’ Stella said softly, testing her heart to see if it would hold. It did, strengthened by Dana’s presence, it held and it excelled as Stella finally dared to open up. ‘I have been in situations that I later realized I was lucky to get out of. You are not one of them. I need you in my life, I know that. There is nothing more certain or clear to me than the fact that you are the only reason that I’m strong enough to keep going.’ Stella sighed, gathering all of her courage. ‘Inevitably that makes me dependent beyond what I’m comfortable with but perhaps it’s time to let go of that fear.’ Stella leaned back a little to look into Dana’s eyes, her arms still firmly around her. Dana’s eyes were already focused on Stella’s and as Stella watched something significant happened within Dana’s brain. Stella saw something shift, a gravity that seemed to be altered somehow as if the laws of physics didn’t apply as Scully’s soul stepped aside and made place for Stella’s, inviting her to join on whatever path they would walk next. Stella sighed, felt the pieces fall into place and smiled with Dana as they accepted that this was just meant to be. ‘I truly do love you,’ Stella whispered before she could stop herself, and in saying so found that she hadn’t wanted to stop herself at all. Why would one withhold such an undeniable truth?

‘I know,’ Scully nodded quietly, raising her hand to touch Stella’s cheek. She found the muscle in Stella’s cheekbone shaking tensely under her touch, as if it was the only thing in the room that was aware of the impending changes in their lives. Neither of them felt pressure and neither of them felt any form of weight at Stella’s declaration – it was as if the universe was finally granting them both a gift as their hearts finally dared to seek out the other’s rhythm and carefully set out to beat together as one.

Outside, snow had started to fall again, covering everything in a layer of fine ice. Everything happens for a reason, the weather seemed to say. There are certain things in this world that cannot be denied, like the beauty of a street full of secrets covered in a thick layer of snow. Things will come to pass, and pass they will – unless they are truly meant to be, then maybe, with enough time and effort they can be made to stay forever. And like fresh footfalls in an undisturbed snowy street Stella’s heart learned that even if there was no visible path ahead one can always look beyond and find what’s underneath. For not every secret from the past needs to remain hidden – sometimes the best things are revealed when the snow finally melts away.


	9. Epilogue

The next day, Scully’s homebound flight from Heathrow got delayed. She called Stella, who didn’t answer, and so she settled for a hotel room provided by the airline – it was a nice hotel room, big, modern and on second thought it was better than going back to Stella’s because she was afraid she might never leave. She threw her suitcase in a corner and dropped down on the bed. Fucking snow, she thought.

There had been snowstorms since this morning but the news from the airport had been fairly positive. Stella had driven her to the airport and their goodbye had been rather nice, simple and sweet and with the comfort of knowing that this wasn’t a farewell. They had talked about the future and they had promised each other one, even though the words hadn’t been said like that they had been in the crackle in the air between them and in the warmth of their final embrace. Stella had smiled back at her as Scully had walked past security, watching still as Scully saw her disappear from view. She felt quieter now, calmer somehow, and that air had carried with her until she had fallen down on this strange hotel bed just now. Here, somewhere where she hadn’t anticipated on being, in the discomfort of uncontrollable of being forced by fate she found herself confronted with everything that had happened – and she found herself surrounded with sadness. It wasn’t a sadness born out of sheer desperation like last time they had separated, not one that clutched at her heart and compressed it until there was nothing left, but a different kind that lingered deeply within. It was there like a darkness, a black hole that had such a magnetism to Scully that she had to actively work to keep away from it as she felt it pull her in inch by inch until she couldn’t help but let herself fall into its bleak emptiness. Clearing her throat Scully pulled herself back into a sitting position – okay, what to do next. She needed dinner, but she didn’t feel like going out. She needed a shower. She needed to know when her flight would leave and she probably needed to inform Stella of her whereabouts. Slowly she started going about her mental to do list, crossing off ordering dinner and texting Stella first.

About an hour later Scully was well-fed and dreading the night. Her flight was being postponed until the next morning, when presumably most of the bad weather would have passed. She’d argued that surely she could fly out earlier but the airline had been adamant, saying there was no way to guarantee everyone’s safety and that it was the only way. Scully had sighed and resignedly hung up the phone, feeling defeated and deflated by the whole situation. Sure, snow was pretty and it would forever remind her of the past few days with Stella, but today really wasn’t the best day. Saying goodbye was never easy but living in this kind of limbo was making her feel highly misplaced and out of her element. Shivering with an unexpected coldness that was creeping into her bones she decided on a shower. A long one.

As she undressed in the hotel bathroom she looked at herself in the disturbingly large mirror. As she tilted her head to one side she spotted a bruise that Stella undoubtedly put there and a smile crept into her face, remembering when she’d put it there – Sorry, she’d said, but there was not an ounce regret in her voice as her naked body had been curled around Dana’s on her couch. Don’t forget me, Stella had said. I won’t, Scully had promised.

Standing naked in front of a mirror would make the vainest person humble, Scully thought, but it made her mostly self-conscious and sad in her current state of mind. She sighed, put her hair up in a loose bun and turned on the tap, hoping she could figure out the temperature on the damn thing – hotel taps had a tendency to hate her as she did them. Soon the water was at an agreeable temperature and she remembered to put a towel within reach before stepping into the luxuriously spacious cubicle. The tiles were black and shiny and the whole thing was just an experience and Scully hated the hotel a little less just because of this. She closed her eyes and smiled into the stream, trying to let go of her negative frame of mind, knowing it was not helping her in any way. Consciously focusing on everything that was good in her life always seemed to help her so she closed her eyes and let the water cascade down her back and warm her skin as she allowed thoughts and memories of Stella to warm her heart.

A chill broke out across her skin as she felt a wave of cold air enter the cubicle. She didn’t open her eyes, shivering into the chilled air but discounting it as her brain getting rid of negativity. Still, she froze as she heard a quiet click and slide as the cubicle door opened.

‘Don’t look,’ she heard before her brain had time to respond to the shock. The darkness around her sparkled as she recognized the voice and the hand that came to rest on her arm – someone who shouldn’t be here, who couldn’t be here, yet was touching her at this very moment. ‘Turn around,’ the voice commanded softly and Scully responded gladly, opening her lips as the water now hit her shoulders and front. She felt the creature behind her step fully into the cubicle and she felt two small hands on her upper arms. Dropping her hands to her sides she felt the body behind her step in closer, but not close enough and she leaned back a little to initiate contact. ‘No, Dana,’ the voice behind her whispered gently and she felt the woman move out of her reach. Still her hands were on Scully’s side, dragging carefully up to her shoulders. Scully felt how the hand reached her neck, dragging neatly trimmed nails up the roots of her hair for a second sending an intense shiver down Scully’s spine. ‘Jesus,’ she whispered and she felt her companion’s exhale on her neck. The hands traced the lines of Dana’s shoulders before moving to her upper arms, forearms and finally reaching down to clasp ten slightly shaking fingers through Dana’s. ‘Stella,’ Scully said reverently, keeping her eyes closed as if she was afraid this would all disappear into a lonely abyss the moment she opened them. ‘Yes,’ Stella answered from another dimension. ‘Don’t look.’ Scully shook her head lightly, because frankly she didn’t want to. ‘Why are you here?’ she asked as she felt Stella’s hands return to her body. Stella didn’t answer, she just slowly dragged her palms down Scully’s sides to her hips, a little lower to that spot that no one ever truly touches unless you’re lovers and finally back up to her sides. Scully inhaled sharply as she finally felt the contours of Stella’s body melt into her back, first her nipples, then her belly against her ass and finally the entire warm length of the exquisite female specimen behind her touched a part of her. Stella slowly pushed her into the shower wall to the side, keeping Scully’s body warm with her own and embracing her fully as she laid her head on Scully’s shoulder. Scully opened her eyes to lay her cheek against the cold tiles, suddenly craving the ice cold sting in contrast to the heat generated between them.

Next to her she saw the first visual evidence of what she’d feared to be a dream: Stella’s blonde locks were uninhibited by any hair ties and therefor falling loosely across her cheeks, touching Scully’s skin and getting caught by the drops of water still falling down on them. Scully felt Stella’s hands on her wrists, pinning one of them to the wall as her lips fell to Dana’s neck. Scully put her hand flat on the cold surface and watched as her skin rose defenselessly against Stella’s assault. ‘I’m not going to make love to you,’ Stella whispered into the soft skin of Dana’s neck. ‘I just wanted to see you.’ Dana nodded, wanting nothing more than just to hold Stella and be close to her. The magnetism of darkness had shifted, and now it was Stella’s eternal light that was pulling her in by the hand. ‘Can I see you?’ Scully asked quietly. Stella nodded but didn’t move and neither did Dana, both of them content to stay like this for a little while – against a hotel shower wall, cold and warm, together but disconnected. Stella put her chin on Scully’s shoulder and both her hands came to lie loosely on her hips. After a few deep breaths, feeling Stella’s head move with her body, Scully finally mustered the strength to turn around. She pulled back from the cold wall and leaned into Stella this time, not meeting her eyes, focusing her gaze solely on the freckles that were sprinkled across Stella’s chest. She felt Stella look at her, trying to figure out her next move, but still her arms were accepting and open as Scully stepped into Stella’s embrace. They held each other, both getting soaking wet under the still running current, but neither of them really noticed because all they could feel was the waves that ran between them. She’d taken her leave earlier, but this was the way their bodies said goodbye to each other. Scully realized she didn’t know when she’d see Stella again, much less feel her, and the simple fact that it could be months made her thank everything she’d cursed before – The snow, in particular, because it was the only thing that had perpetuated their intimacy throughout this visit. Scully smiled into Stella’s collarbone at the thought and Stella felt the small touch, recognized it as a smile and returned it with one of her own in Scully’s tied up hair. She couldn’t resist the call of ginger and let one of her hands wander up into the back of Dana’s hair, loosening the bun but keeping it intact for now. She softly massaged Dana’s skull and calmed her, trying to relax into Scully’s breathing, into the moment.

After a few moments Scully raised her head to look up at Stella, who wasn’t taller in size but seemed to stand much stronger in their current situation. Stella smiled at her, but the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, and in her eyes was a kind of quiet sadness that Scully recognized from herself. ‘The flight was cancelled,’ she offered. ‘I fly out tomorrow morning.’ ‘I know,’ Stella answered, ‘you told me.’ Scully nodded. ‘I didn’t think you’d come all this way.’ ‘Don’t be silly,’ Stella said, reaching down to clasp their fingers together again. Scully’s free hand came up to Stella’s waist and wandered forward across her stomach. ‘I’m glad you’re here.’ Stella raised her chin to look into Scully’s eyes and this time the smile did reach her eyes and it warmed Dana’s heart. ‘I am as well,’ Stella admitted and kissed her softly. Stella’s lips felt slightly cold and wet and Scully remained hesitant and unsure for a moment until Stella’s hand at the base of her neck pulled her in closer. The hand that had been caressing Stella’s stomach moved up towards her breast where Scully remembered what Stella had said – she was here to just be with Scully, and Scully knew there truly was no better way to spend the evening, so she diverted to Stella’s ribs and around to her spine where she pressed her fingers down softly. Stella moaned at the pressure Dana put on exactly the right spots and she nipped softly on Dana’s lower lip, taking it between her teeth before releasing it. ‘That feels nice,’ she commented. ‘You’re tense,’ Scully commented. Stella just hummed and stepped back a little, taking Dana with her into the hot stream of water. ‘We have unsuccessfully done this before, why do we keep trying?’ Scully wondered out loud. Stella chuckled. ‘I wanted to join you. You looked so good.’ Scully pushed her nose into Stella’s cheek, breathing out slowly and relaxing fully into her arms. One of Stella’s strong arms reached up towards Dana’s shoulder as the other stayed around her waist, locking her in place as if she was the most valuable thing in a ship about to go down, and to Stella, she was.

They stayed locked together like that for a few minutes before Scully sighed and pulled herself back a little. ‘Are you staying?’ she asked softly. Stella found her eyes. ‘Do you want me to?’ Scully looked down at her feet for a moment, her eyes wandering down and back up Stella’s naked body.  ‘Yes,’ she answered honestly. ‘I do. Now that you’re here I just want to stay close to you for a little while longer.’ Stella nodded. ‘Then yes, I’m staying.’

Fifteen minutes later they exited the bathroom, both wrapped in just their towels but dry and warm from the inside out. Scully spotted a bottle of wine and two glasses waiting for them on a tray on the bed. ‘You came well prepared,’ she smiled, tucking herself in safely beneath the hotel linen. ‘I always do,’ Stella filled the glasses and handed one to Dana. ‘Now tell me, why exactly did you call and text me?’ It occurred to Dana right that moment that Stella didn’t get calls like this. People didn’t call her to tell her where they were. She never held anyone up to that kind of responsibility like she and Mulder had for years and the realization came as a shock to Scully. She thought about her answer for a moment before looking at the woman next to her and meeting her waiting eyes. ‘I wanted you to know I wasn’t gone yet,’ she replied. ‘I wanted you to know we had a little time.’ Stella closed the gap between them and kissed her confidently, tasting of red wine and warmth. ‘We have all the time in the world.’

The next morning, Scully collected her things and said goodbye to London one last time.

She closed the door behind her and sighed. It was a door she’d been a little annoyed at to begin with, because she’d felt out of control and forced to enter it by some unseen power. However that door had surprised her later, allowing someone else to enter after her, someone she never wanted to leave, but had watched go through this door about thirty minutes prior. Still she was grateful to this door and everything it had brought her – Sometimes the most unexpected things happen when you’re least prepared for it, and she’d been anything but prepared for Stella since the beginning of time, but today had been the moment where she’d cemented it in her brain. She never wanted to walk through new doors with anyone but Stella ever again.

 


End file.
